


Energy

by CaitlinOcean



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Marauders' Era, Veela, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-01-15 05:21:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12314577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaitlinOcean/pseuds/CaitlinOcean
Summary: Whenever I was near her I felt that same rush of energy and the wolf I thought I had successfully squashed would wake up and call to her. Even more disturbingly, whatever Celine had inside her, answered.





	1. We All Became Gryffindors

     Tea time with my mother isn’t always excruciating. When it’s just the two of us I have been known to smile. Today she has brought a man to tea. This man whose name I will never know because he will be gone by next week, if not tomorrow, is sitting across from me grinning dopily at my mother as she feeds him a macaroon. I glare at them over my teacup but no one notices.

  
“I’ve got one of those big muggle boats, yachts they call ‘em, I’ll take you out on it whenever you like, your daughter too if she wants.” This man is high as a kite and his drug of choice is my mother. For you see, my mother is a Veela, and she can’t help it really. That doesn’t mean I have to like it though, does it?  
I let my gaze fall on this man and his smile falters under my stare. “Quiet one, your daughter.” He says.  
“She is mysterious.” My mother says and an absolute tidal wave of her Veela venom pulls this man’s attention back to her and his incredibly handsome face is imbecilic once more. I sigh and take another sip. I am not mysterious. I am an open book.  
“Celine would you play for us?” My mother asks. I get up without a word and make my way to the piano.  
“And nothing sad.” She teases “Celine is always playing sad songs.” I clench my hands tight into fists until I feel the nails bite into my skin before stretching them out and playing a funky, upbeat song to oblige my mother. As I play my mind slips far away from this house that is too big for two but, not big enough for this man, and all the others like him, and all the men to come.

     I was 9 when my father left. Darius Bell hails from a very respectable pureblood family. He was tall, handsome, successful, and the dream of all the pureblood girls in England. You can imagine the shock when he announced he was marrying Edahna, a Veela. His dad shouted, his mother cried, the young bachelorettes swore and swooned but Darius was insistent. He was in love with this Being and he would not be talked out of it. He spent a fortune on the wedding. At the rehearsal gossip spread viciously.

“Enchanted.” The old women whispered. “Trapped”  
“Whore” the young girls agreed.  
“Lucky” the old men concurred.

     So, my mother went from a wild Veela to the wife of a prominent pureblood wizard. In addition to gaining a surname she got a gorgeous Victorian home, jewels, fur coats, and a house elf. She wore the fur coats to breakfast and the jewels to bed. Eventually, she got a baby and the baby was loved by the house elf. Cookie, dressed the baby and fed it, and kissed it when it hurt. At night, she sang the baby songs about the moon. The baby grew and watched her mother and father come and go, always dressed in beautiful clothes and the biggest diamonds. The house elf told the baby, now a small girl, faerie stories about her parents while she did the laundry.  
At times, the girl’s parents were loving and doting. Other times, the girl’s mother had her father so obsessed with her there was no time for the girl. Until one day, Darius decided something was fishy about his life and he pushed away and avoided his wife. Which made Edahna irate. Suddenly, his charming, quiet, maddeningly beautiful wife was a flame throwing, shape shifting, harpy, and he cut his losses and left. Darius walked out the door without even a good bye. He never came back for his things. He never contacted his ex-wife, or daughter, again.

     I finished the song and started another. Almost 6 years have passed since I last saw my father. My mother didn’t miss a beat after he left. I think within the month I caught my first glance of one of her playthings. Because that’s what humans are to Veela, playthings. Edahna keeps up her expensive lifestyle by only “socializing” with the most elite of men. All my clothes, all the food I eat, every dime we have, comes from a man who has fallen into my mother’s claws. I see Cookie walk by the piano and I smile at her. She collects the tea and leaves the room.  
“May I be excused?” I say suddenly, stopping mid song.  
Edahna waves her hand and I follow the route Cookie took into the kitchen.  
“Mail Miss!” Cookie squeaks.  
My heart leapt at the familiar writing on a few envelopes. “Could I please have some more tea Cookie?” I asked quietly as I sat down. The first letter was from my very best friend, Lily Evans. The letter was filled with the usual start of summer “I miss you” and “I love you” with 100 bullet points of gossip and teenage angst squeezed in between. I felt the rest of the summer stretching endlessly ahead of me as I put down Lily’s letter. Cookie brought my tea and squeezed my hand. The next letter was from another good friend and kindred spirit, Sirius Black, whose family problems were on par with my own. His letter however, was co-written with his brother Regulus and so funny I was laughing out loud from start to finish. The last letter, seemed to stare at me from its place on the table. After an encouraging gulp of tea I opened the letter, careful not to rip across the lovely handwriting. The paper shook as I unfolded it.

Celine,  
I hope your summer has been full of good books and lavender tea. My family has recently moved very close to your home, would you like to get together soon and enjoy both?  
Best,  
Remus

I could feel his energy through the paper I held in my hand.

**REMUS**

     The first time I saw Celine Bell we were waiting to be sorted. The hat was singing it’s song and I was nervously looking around at the other first years. Peter was beside me grinning from ear to ear. The boisterous boys I would soon learn were named James and Sirius were standing confidently at the front of the crowd. To my left was a pallid boy, a red headed girl, and a blonde. Instinct told me she was different. The wolf woke up and urged me towards her but I was frozen in place. What was happening? Could she feel it too? I saw her spine stiffen and my question was answered. She slowly turned her laser beam gaze on my own and her eyes widened as they locked onto mine. An intense energy was coursing through my body and over my skin. What was she? I wasn’t even at Hogwarts one night and my worst fear was already being realized. Someone had a clue that I harbored a dark secret. As I watched her climb onto the stool to be sorted I selfishly hoped she was a werewolf too but, her glowing skin free of scars from gaping wounds told me otherwise.

     We all became Gryffindors. At first, James and Sirius stuck together and I stuck with Peter. It was a little awkward in the dormitory because, Sirius liked to pick on Peter and claim it was “all in good fun.” After a couple weeks, for reasons I still don’t understand, James and Sirius decided I was actually fun and I helped Peter speak up around Sirius. So, the Formerly Divided 1st Year Gryffindor Boys became the Recently United 1st Year Gryffindor Boys and the Marauders were born.

Through all this, I avoided Celine like the plague. Whenever I was near her I felt that same rush of energy and the wolf I thought I had successfully squashed would wake up and call to her. Even more disturbingly, whatever Celine had inside her, answered. For the first time in my life I had friends. Really, really fun friends and, I was terrified Celine would tell everyone what I was. By my calculations I had at least until puberty before any of us wanted to spend a significant amount of time with girls. A solid two, maybe 3 more years of school and friends before I was found out. I didn’t realize that Sirius Black was a special case.

“Guys, you have got to meet that girl Celine.” Sirius said plopping down on the couch. He and James had just entered the common room and had an air of successfully completed mischief about them. “She is wicked, in every meaning of the word, and tough as nails. We just saw her _handle_ some Slytherins outside the Great Hall.”  
Godric, Helga, Rowena, and Bloody Salazar too! I thought to myself. When was the last time I cursed so much? Even in my own head? I carefully closed my book and held it in my lap to keep my hands from shaking.  
“We have met her Sirius, we live with her, and have all our classes with her.” He ignored me and shot a spitball at James.  
“Oh look there she is now!” He waved vigorously at Celine and Lily Evans. The girls approached and I slid down in my chair. Here it is, the final nail in my coffin, quick and clean like the next 6 years of schooling would not be. Celine sat down on the couch next to Peter and Sirius formally introduced us all. I could hear her heart beating as she smoothed her skirt down over her knees. She swallowed, hard. It took about 60 seconds for James and Sirius to piss of Lily and she stormed off to her dormitory. James and Sirius ran off to our dorm cackling, with Peter at their heels.

  
I stayed slouched in my chair. Celine looked slowly around and when she saw we were alone she looked at me and leaned forward. Her eyes were so blue. The darkest blue I had ever seen.  
“What are you?” She whispered.  
“What are you?” I whispered back, sitting up to a seated position and leaning in.  
“I’m part Veela. Some people here know…”  
“No one knows what I am.” I growled. My face burned when I heard the way my voice sounded.  
“It’s ok, you don’t have to tell me.” She said with a kind smile. “I won’t tell anyone but, if you ever want to talk I’m here. Us part humans need to stick together.”  
Months passed before I plucked up the courage to talk with Celine about being part human again. I was running out of excuses to explain my monthly absences to my smart friends who were already not buying it any longer. James and Sirius had me cornered and Peter had turned on me too.

“Come on Remus where were you last night!”  
“Yea tell us mate!”  
“I…I was…”  
I felt the familiar rush of energy that alerted me to Celine’s presence before I felt her arm slip through my own.  
“Didn’t Remus tell you? He was with me all night.” She said with a sly, wicked smile. Eleven, almost twelve, year old Remus had no idea what they could have been doing that would have taken all night. James’s mouth was open in confusion and Peter was staring thoughtfully off into the distance. They clearly had no clue either. Sirius Black however, had an idea. His mouth was hanging open to the floor and for once, no words were coming out of it. Celine steered me away from my friends, and closed Sirius’ mouth as she walked by him.

    Later that night I found Celine stretched out on a couch in the common room reading a book. I approached her and sat at her feet.  
“Hello darling.” She said without looking up from her novel.  
“Do you know what I am?” I whispered, looking down at my feet.  
“Yes.” She said, putting her book down and moving to a seated position. I saw her out of the corner of my eye pull her socks up over her knees so no skin was showing.  
“How come we can sense each other?” I chanced a glance at her and was caught in her gaze.  
“I asked my mother and she says it’s because our Instincts are still awake and sharp. Human’s instincts are slow and sleepy. Instinct tells us when our kind are near, so you know who will have your back. At least that’s how she explained it anyway.”  
I wondered what it would be like to have another part human to talk to whenever something confusing happened.  
She glanced around for eavesdroppers and asked “What is your Instinct like?”  
“It feels like a wolf, I can smell fear, what Sirius ate all week for dinner, things like that.” She laughed and it sounded like bells. Courage bloomed in my chest. “That silver ring you always wear makes me nauseous, I heal fast…”  
She slipped her ring off her finger without a word and put it in her pocket. “what about you?” I asked.  
“Veela speak with their bodies.” She said. “I can read people’s body language as easily as I can read this book and deduce what they are thinking and feeling. My mother said before she married my dad she would go weeks without saying a word.”  
That explained the intense eye contact.  
“However, Veela mature at sixteen and that’s when I’ll get my powers.”  
“What do you think it will be like?” I asked.  
“Horrible.” She said.  
We fell into silence and I looked at my feet again. “I read a lot about Veela, in the library, I could show you the books I found if you like.”  
“I’d like that.” She said softly. “Maybe I could find some books on Werewolves for you?”  
“I’d like that.”  
I wanted to ask her what Sirius thought we had been doing all night.

     I thought of these things as I walked through the streets of my new locale. Celine’s house was the biggest in town. An ancient and immaculate Victorian with big windows, cozy rooms, and a wrap around porch perfect for reading and drinking tea on during a summer storm. To complete this picture a tower sprouted out of the roof adding to its elegance.


	2. Three Hundred and Sixty-Five Sunsets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! There are some warnings for this chapter. Characters grapple with body image issues and depression but, the whole chapter isn't devoted to those topics. Hope you are enjoying the story so far!

**CELINE**

                I ran to open the door as soon as I heard the knock. Remus was taller now. At 5ft 10 inches he stood eye level with me. He still read as lanky and scarred and sweet and sad. I bit back tears as I hugged him hard. I’m alone a lot when I’m not at school. I was starved for touch, to speak, to listen.

“Hello Celine.”

The tears fell when I heard him use my name.

**REMUS**

I pretended not to see her crying as she led me into the house. She was wearing a sweater and jeans despite the heat.

“My mother’s not home but, Cookie is! I want to introduce you.”

She led me through open and airy rooms to a grand kitchen. However, I didn’t absorb any of what I was seeing because she hadn’t let go of my hand.

**CELINE**

                Cookie had just finished setting up the tea tray when Remus and I entered the kitchen.

“Cookie this is Remus.” I said beaming at them both.

“Pleased to meet you sir!” She squeaked.

“Pleasure is all mine.” Remus said, smiling at her. I could read on his face he was not expecting to feel this much energy from a house elf. Elves are powerful, powerful creatures. I picked up the tray and indicated with my eyes Remus should follow me.

 He followed me to the sun room. It was the smallest room in the house with the coziest chairs and biggest windows. The perfect place to spend the afternoon with a friend. Remus saw my books stacked on the table and he dove right in. I poured us tea and joined him on the sofa.

Hours later when the tea was finished and the books thoroughly reviewed, Remus and I sat side by side on the sofa watching the clouds migrate across the sky, quiet and comfortable.

“Celine, where is your mother?”

I almost cried again at the sound of my name. “I’m not sure.” I could feel his pulse in his wrist only inches from my own.

“When was the last time you saw her?”

“Oh, yesterday morning. She never leaves me for too long.”

I could read that he disagreed with my definition of “too long.”

“I could come back tomorrow, if you’re lonely, or just want me too?”

“That would be nice but, tomorrow is my birthday you see, and it’s the only day of the year my mother never lets me down so I will be busy tomorrow.”

“Happy birthday darling.” He said, playfully nudging my arm. I wanted to yank his arm back and hold it against my own.

***

The next morning I woke to the smell of French toast and bacon. I followed my nose down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Cookie the birthday girl is awake!” My mother sang. She covered me in her embrace and kissed my forehead over and over. The skin stung where her lips touched but, I was so ravenous for her affection the skin could have blistered and I would ask her for more. From where my head was pressed against her chest, I could hear her heart beat, strong and present.

I was shepherded into my seat and my mother prepared my tea, and put honey and fresh berries on my French toast.

“Fifteen, I can hardly believe it. You are growing up before my eyes.” I smiled big while she cut my French toast for me. On my birthday, she stopped just short of feeding me. I ate my breakfast with gusto while my mother picked at her own. She smiled at me from across the table constantly. When she finished her tea she approached me and let my hair down from its ponytail. I felt the silky hair against my arms and I realized for the first time I was still wearing shorts and a T shirt. I dropped my fork and hugged myself. Too much skin. Too much of my body for all to see. Ignoring this, my mother massaged her fingertips into my scalp and I was flooded with joy. I was so consumed by the happiness flowing from my mother’s fingertips into my body that I fell back in my chair and whimpered. This happiness was not something I usually felt. She massaged my head for a few more moments before starting a braid.

As a child my mother would sit me on her lap or at her feet and braid my hair. I longed for that contact with her. I would wait and wait and only sometimes was I rewarded. “We will go into town today. Pedicures, book store, then lunch. I want you dolled up too.”

I would deny her nothing.

When breakfast was finished she left the plates for Cookie and ushered me up the stairs and into her bedroom. I was giddy. Every year I am always surprised by how good of a mother Edahna can be when she tries. My happiest memories of my mother are always on this day in June, but my birthday has a fragile quality to it. The magic of this day is spoiled by the nagging feeling in my gut that any minute now the bottom is going to drop out. I swallowed down my doubt and sat.

Sitting at my mother’s vanity was no laughing matter. It was made of cold marble. Perfume bottles, powders, and lipsticks were lined up in rows. Sitting so sinisterly in the center was a mirror that whispered things I didn’t understand. My mother said one day I would.

I don’t ever want to be able to hear what that mirror has to say.

With a snap of her fingers her makeup went to work on me. I sat perfectly patiently and didn’t argue. When she approved I was lead to the closet where a dress flew off its hanger and slid over my body.

I could read how pleased she was. When she pushed me in front of the mirror however, I was not. Too much skin. Miles and miles of pristine skin that people would be looking at with their unworthy eyes making me cheaper and dirtier than I already am. The dress was a simple cotton sun dress. Something you would see on any teenage girl on a hot day in June. I couldn’t go out in this. The straps were too thin. The fabric too close to my curves. You could see the roundness of my breasts. I turned to face my mother and beg for something else, I couldn’t do this. When I turned around, she already had another dress in her hand. I had forgotten the magic of my birthday.

“This one I think” She said.  

The rest of the day was just as unreal. My mother showed me off at every turn. I was drowning in her praise and attention. We got our nails done, went to the book store, and had lunch just like she promised. When we returned home she ran a bath for me in her tub. She perfumed the water with potions and rose petals. Candles flickered from every surface and she poured me a glass of champagne. By the time I was finished with my bath the happiness in my heart was my own and not given to me by my mother’s powerful magic. I found her in the parlor and she patted the seat next to her. I plopped down and she pulled my feet onto her lap. 

“Cookie tells me Remus was here yesterday.” She said rubbing my feet.

“Yes his family recently moved here.”

“Cookie also tells me you were very happy to see him.”

I smiled and nodded.

“Tell me why.”

“He knows how it feels.” Is what I said. _To hate yourself_ , is what I didn’t say.

_You think he is handsome?_ Her body asked the question her lips didn’t.

I blushed and she knew.

“On the inside too which is what matters.” I said.

She smiled her magical, secret smile that held all the things I didn’t want to know.

By the time she tucked me into bed my eyes were already heavy with sleep. She kissed my face and said “One more year until you’re sixteen I am so excited for you my darling.”

The door had already clicked shut behind her when the meaning of her words sank into my sleepy brain. My eyes snapped open.

One more year.

Three hundred and sixty-five sunsets.

Three hours later I was sitting on the bench seat with the window cracked to let the smoke out. What would it be like to become a Veela? Would it happen over night or slowly over the course of weeks leading up to my birthday? Would my friends still like me? Would I hurt them? I took a long drag on the bottle of champagne my mother had opened earlier and followed it up with a long drag on my cigarette. The moon was shining on my skin. I felt it’s pull in my soul. The moon whispered things I didn’t understand to me too.

“Shut up” I said. The moon just hung there, round and heavy. I had never actually tried to understand what the moon was saying to me before. The champagne spinning in my head convinced me to try. I tilted my head back against the wall and breathed.

_Come out and play._ The moon begged.

I jumped to my feet, blood pounding, and snapped my window shut. Settling in under my covers, my head swimming, I thought it would be nice to not be around to see the three hundred and sixty sixth sunset.

  **REMUS**

You would think a fifteen year old werewolf would have more of a reason to shave. I was fresh from the shower trying to boost my confidence before heading to Celine’s.

“Next time you should invite Celine over here, Remus.”

My mother was not helping.

“Ok, mum!” I called back down the stairs.

With a sigh I turned back to the mirror. My face wasn’t so bad, if you could get passed the scars. I puffed up my chest and was depressed by the lack of muscle. I could lift up my bed over my head without breaking a sweat but, I had no abs to speak of.

A werewolf with no facial hair and no muscle, the irony.

Maybe the scars on my chest would distract from my lack of pectorals.

The marks on my chest were from the night I was bitten. Dark, thick lines where the wolf ripped me open from shoulder to groin and sank his teeth deep into my thigh. It’s really painful for me to look at those marks. I never dress in front of a mirror. It took almost three years for me to change in my dormitory. Every time I see them I’m reminded of the cards I’ve been dealt.

To be honest, it’s not bloody fair.

I gave myself up as a hopeless case and finished dressing. My father was making a sandwich and my mother was wiping down the counters. “You know Celine from school?” She asked.

“Yes, she’s in Gryffindor too.”

‘Nice, smart, pretty?”

“All three.” I said smiling and nervously running my hand through my hair like I was James Potter or something.

Oh Merlin what does this mean!? Am I going to start acting like James now that I like a girl?! I quickly smoothed it neat and flat again, like hair is supposed to be.

My dad was eating his sandwich in that determinedly quiet way parents have that let you know they’re getting upset with you but, are trying not to say anything.

“Erm, there’s something you guys need to know about Celine.” My dad knows all about Darius Bell and what he married.

“What’s that dearest?”

“She’s a part human…her mother is a veela.”

“What is a Veela?”My mother asked. Mum is a muggle.

“I’ll explain Hope, let the boy get on his way.” My dad clapped me on the shoulder and ushered me out the door. “Be back by dinner ok son.”

“Will do.”

“Oh and Remus.”

“Yea.”

“Girls like flowers, especially when you pick them on the way to their house.” He winked and closed the door.

As I knocked on Celine’s door, fresh picked flowers in hand, I thought that maybe, Celine could get passed the scars.

**CELINE**

When I opened the door I could read that Remus could tell I was upset. I smiled big anyway and hugged him. He smelled like fresh air and sunshine.

“Happy birthday” he said handing me a bouquet of wildflowers.

I thanked him and smelled them. As we made our way to the sun room I thought he never looked so handsome. We sat down and fell into an awkward silence. I started making a flower crown to give my hands something to do. My fingers shook.

“Celine, are you OK?”

“No darling, I’m not.”

“What’s happened?”

It took me awhile to answer. Tears were making my vision blurry but, I kept working on the flowers.

“I only have one more year left…”

“Till your Veela powers come?”

“Yes.” I finished the first crown and placed it on my head. “I don’t want to be like her Remus. I can’t be like that. It’s not bloody fair.” I was sobbing.

I felt his arms around my shouders, pulling me close. I cried hard into his chest. I told him everything I endured at my home. The men, being left alone, her complete self absorption and disapproval of my rejection of Veela. I told him what she said to me last night. How she said it like I would be so different next year and she couldn’t wait.

And through my whole cathartic release, he just held me.

After a few moments of silence he started to pull back.

“Don’t!” I said, holding fast to his wrist. I read on his face that he couldn’t be happier to stay put.

I started a second flower crown nestled safe in his arms with our energy flowing around us, keeping us safe and close. When I finished the second crown I placed it on Remus’ head.

“My parents have to constantly reinforce our home to keep others safe at the full moon. They don’t sleep when I transform and, my mother is a muggle, it’s harder for her.” I squeezed his hand and smiled sadly up at him. He laced his fingers through mine and my heart shattered with the sweetness and the unexpectedness of it. We spent the afternoon in each other’s arms talking about our home and our families.

“Will I meet your mother?” He asked.

“I think you will.”

“Should I be scared?”

“Yes.”

I could read on his body I had panicked him.

“I’m teasing, kind of… she won’t hurt you she doesn’t go after kids. She’s just not like other parents and that can be…unsettling. Sirius has met her loads of times.”

“When has Sirius met her?” He was jealous.

“Sirius has spent a week here every summer since we met at school. He argues with his parents constantly and at some point he storms out and has nowhere to go so he comes here. If he went anywhere else his parents would come and take him right back home but, his parents, especially Mrs. Black, wouldn’t stoop so low as to enter the house of an escort and her dirty half breed daughter.”

“Is your mother really an escort?”

“If the shoe fits…”

The clock struck 5. “I need to get going. Would you like to come to my house next time?”

“I would love to.”

A day and time was decided upon and he left, taking his energy and my heart with him.

**REMUS**

I walked home in a daze. I could still feel her warm weight on my chest, her arms under my own, covered of course in long sleeves.  The skin on her hands was so soft and her long fingers fit nicely with my own. I kissed my palm and smelled her perfume there. Did the rest of her skin feel like that? My gut twisted thinking about what the rest of her body felt like. Smelled like. I made it home and ate dinner with my parents. I was distracted through the meal and my evening chores by thoughts of Celine. When I collapsed into bed a long time later, the flower crown fell from my head.  

**CELINE**

I was standing in front of my mirror, trying to boost my confidence before I left for Remus’ house. I was dying to impress Remus’ parents. I wanted them to like _me._ Everyone new I meet can’t get passed my charming and pretty outside. My first layer. When you’re so charming and pretty what else could there be?

So, so much more.

I wanted his parents to see me and think ‘what a beautiful and sweet girl’ and then turn the page. I hoped they could get passed my cover.

My nerves were making me want to put layer upon layer of clothes on my body. So much clothes that they couldn’t see the shape of my body and think sneaky thoughts about the real reasons why their teenage son was interested in me that I could read all over their faces. I changed several times with my back to the mirror. It’s painful for me to see my body. I’m trapped in a body I’m not ready for.

I finally made a decision and was wearing something similar to what I wore every day, loose fitting jeans and a sweater, when it dawned on me that Remus’ parents would think I was a freak if I showed up at their house in July wearing a sweater and jeans. I ripped my clothes off and threw them angrily in the corner. My breath became ragged and I tried not to cry as I sank to the floor and hugged my legs tight. 

I heard my door open and small feet pad across the floor. Cookie rummaged in my closet and laid some clothes out on my bed. I felt a small kiss on my head and she was gone. On my bed was a long skirt and a short sleeve top. I dressed and confronted the mirror. The skirt felt right, loose and breezy. The top felt wrong because it was tight to my body. Skinny and hour glassy and busty. My brain was whirring. I felt tarty and flirty and too sexy and sad, so, so, sad. My thoughts screamed “no! you are bad and wrong!”

But then a funny thing happened.

A small voice whispered “you look _great_.” And even though it was just a whisper, it felt louder than the scream and just for a minute I thought that maybe I not only looked great but, I _am_ great.

 That minute was all I needed.

Remus lived in a small cottage. It was neat and clean from the street and held no hint that a teenage Werewolf lived inside. I knocked on his door and my nerves jumpstarted again. I wonder if this is how Remus felt knocking on my door, nervous and excited and dying to see the sweet face on the other side.

“Hello darling!” He said squeezing me into a hug that made my stomach tight.

“Hey yourself.” I answered smiling at his use of my favorite phrase.

“You must be Celine!” A woman’s voice trilled. Remus’s mother pushed him aside and greeted me. “Come in, come in Remus has told us so much about you!” His father was only just inside the door waiting to greet me too.

“Celine! Nice to meet you.” He said shaking my hand.

Mrs. Lupin read as sweetly as her son did and just as nervous too. Mr. Lupin read as pompous and the type of person who was likely to shoot off at the mouth. However, neither of these traits read as loudly as the sheer amount of love he felt for his wife and son. Currently though, what was making me light headed with relief, was that Mr. and Mrs. Lupin were _delighted_ to meet me.

And you didn’t have to be a Veela to be able to read that.

**REMUS**

Celine looked so pretty it made my head hurt. Her cheeks were rosy from the walk and her hair windswept. Her outfit was plain and neat but was so different from the baggy clothes she usually wore that she might as well have shown up in a ballgown. My parents were being embarrassing like all parents are around friends of the opposite sex. While my cheeks were burning Celine’s were dimpled with a smile big and bright as the crescent moon.

My mother shepherded her into the living room for tea. Over Celine’s shoulder my mother mouthed “So pretty” and I know Celine saw. My cheeks burned for the second, and certainly not the last time that evening. I followed them and tried not to notice Celine’s waist.

“Remus told us you like Lavender tea?” My mother asked her.

“Yes very much.”

“Remus does too can hardly replace it before he drinks it.” Mum finished pouring the tea and my dad said “So, tell us how our son managed to reel you in Celine.”

Why me? Merlin why? I dropped my head into my hand and heard Celine’s bell like laughter.

“He wrote me a letter and asked if I wanted to read books and drink lavender tea and I was just done for.”

“Ho ho so you’re just as much of a hermit as him then?”

“I might be worse.” She teased.

“Nonsense, I don’t believe it.” My dad stated.

“It’s true.” I said. “At school she’s always lounging around the common room reading novels and when boys talk to her she doesn’t even put the book down. Just answers their questions and keeps reading. She could shut you down with a turn of her page.”

“She put the book down for you though.” My mum said. The embarrassment will never end I was sure of it. It wasn’t even dinner time yet.

“Remus and his friends don’t really give you a choice.” She said.

At the mention of my friends my parents began gushing about how much they love Peter, James, and Sirius and finally stopped asked mortifying questions about Celine and I. I somehow survived tea.

After tea I led Celine out into the yard to a shady spot under a leafy tree.

“Remus I love your parents!” She said collapsing onto her back in the grass.

“They love you already. I can tell.” I knelt down beside her and watched her as she stretched. This may be the most she has smiled all summer.

“You’re so happy.” I said softly.

Her eyes looked me up and down and I suddenly felt guilty for looking at her body.

“I am happy.” She said reaching for my hand and pulling me down beside her. “They love you so much.”

“I know…I love them too.”

I felt a mess. Celine’s presence was intense. Her energy was bright and strong and pulled at me. I wanted to roll over and kiss her neck and touch the skin on her arms. Should I kiss her? Would she be angry? Would she like it? I closed my eyes and forced myself to breathe.

“What are your feelings about the moon?” she asked settling her limbs with a sigh and folding her hands on her stomach.

“It’s rather frightening to be honest.”

“Besides the obvious, why else is it frightening?”

How do I describe to someone the way the moon owned me. How can I properly explain the way it calls and pulls and whispers and I can’t ignore it. I thought of a moon beam shining through a window at night and not being able to walk through it.

I knew Celine would understand.

“The moon owns me.” I stated, turning my head to see her reaction.

“Mother moon owns us all, darling.” She teased, tickling my nose with a dandelion. I smiled at her dreaminess.

I couldn’t look away as she moved to a seated position and pulled her long skirt up over her knees. “Veela hunt at night you know.” She slid her assaultive gaze over her shoulder to see what I thought of this.

“Hunt?” I chuckled.

“A manhunt.” She said with a wink.

My stomach twisted thinking about being “hunted” by a full grown, full blooded Veela.

“You’re one of the smart ones.”

“Why do you say?”

“Because I can read that the thought makes your nervous. The dumb ones find the idea thrilling.” I didn’t answer her. “My Veela soul yearns for the moon like a flower yearns for sun. It wants me to come out and play.”

I gently tugged at her elbow and she lay back down beside me in the grass.

“We both belong in the sun, darling.”

We lay there together enjoying the sun and shade and warm breeze. All this talk of the moon made me think about how the full one was approaching. The last full moon was shortly after we moved and it went well or, as well as harboring a werewolf can go. The shed on the corner of the property held and the house next door to us was vacant. I hoped we could stay here for awhile.

“Have you ever wanted to die?”

She asked the question like she was asking my favorite flavor of pudding and it shook me to my core. My reaction was to answer in the negative. Say something like “don’t say that!” However, the cornerstone of my relationship with Celine was that we deeply understood each other, and this I understood. I answered truthfully.

“Yes.”


	3. Freckles

  **CELINE**

We walked home in the moonlight and spent some time sitting on my porch reliving his more embarrassing moments from the day. He had no idea how lucky he was to have such loving and devoted parents. I got to my feet and popped my back. “I’m going to head up, see you soon?’ I asked taking the couple steps towards my door and turning to face him. He had taken the few steps too and stood close to me. I looked hard into his eyes and he squirmed under my gaze. Nervous in the way boys always are when they’re thinking about kissing.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in kissing him. Especially the way he looked right now, more rabbit than wolf. Innocent brown eyes stole glances at me from under long lashes. He shifted on his feet and ran a hand up the back of his head, messing up his hair. He realized what he was doing and quickly made it neat again. I couldn’t help but smile as I reached up and ran my fingers through his fringe.

“I love your freckles.” I said softly, cupping his cheek in my hand.

**REMUS**

No one has ever noticed that I have freckles. No one has ever bothered to look beyond the scars on my face. A rush of emotion gave me the courage to grab her by the waist and kiss her hard. Her lips were full and soft on my own. I could feel her heart beat and it made mine beat faster. She melted in my arms and I wanted to melt to the floor with her.

**CELINE**

His lips crashed into mine and I floated away to swim in the stars. The scar on his lip was rough but the rest of his lips were virgin soft. My body was betraying me and acting of its own accord. I leaned against his chest and if it weren’t for his arms around my waist I would have certainly fell apart. When he pulled away my eyes took too long to flutter open. He was smiling and I smiled back as I pulled him into a hug. Before I shut my door I said “Good night darling.”

…

Ever since the moon spoke to me the night of my birthday I have been unable to resist her. At night I could walk in her light with bare shoulders and knees and feel clothed in her embrace. Tonight the moon led me to Remus’ house at the start of the bewitching hour. There was a shed on the corner of their property and I leaned against it. From here, I had a nice view of their little cottage and the fields beyond. The moon made the pretty scene monochromatic. Instinct was making the hair on my neck stand up. I looked about me but there was nothing. I placed my hand on the wall of the shed to look around the back of it when I felt the energy in my fingertips. I took three quick steps back and stared at the shed.

This is where they keep him.

I wanted to look inside but, there was really no reason for me to. I knew what I would find there, chains and deep scratches in the floor and walls and it would break my heart. I approached the shed again and left a kiss for werewolf Remus. I returned to my original position against the wall of the shed and while I soaked up the moon I tried to send calming vibes into the walls of the cage. I sat like this for several minutes when I noticed there was a window open. I left my post and approached the window. Remus’ achingly familiar energy told me it was his room.

“Are you awake darling?” I whispered.

“Yes” he said in a hoarse voice that sounded more sick than sleepy.

Remus pulled back the curtain and I saw an all too familiar site. The look of Remus before a full moon. He was pale and feverish. He had lost weight since I saw him last. I climbed in through his window before he could protest. He flinched at the moonlight I let in with me and quickly closed the curtain. It was pitch black.

“Open the other one.” He said. I felt along the wall for the sill of the other window and pulled back the curtain so we had some light. This window let the light in at the foot of his bed rather than directly on him. He collapsed back against his pillows. Remus’ room was small and neat. His twin bed and a night stand were pushed in the corner. A dresser with a mirror stood against the opposite wall and a small desk was in the corner to my left. I imagined Remus sitting there with the sun pouring in the window writing letters and doing homework and I smiled.

“ ‘lo” he said miserably from his bed.

“Hello darling” I whispered, climbing up over the foot board and sitting at the end of his bed.

“Full moon is tomorrow.” He said conversationally.

“It is.” I answered.

He became silent, his breathing ragged and heavy.

“Here” I said climbing between his body and the wall “Let me rub your back.”

“You don’t have to.” He protested.

“No really, I have magic that will help.”

He looked at me with eyes too tired to fight and rolled over.  I suddenly became very nervous to reach out and touch so much of Remus’ skin. I wanted to take back my offer. I mentally kicked myself for being so cowardly. Remus’ need was much greater than my own. My hand shook as my fingertips reached under the hem of his shirt. Half an inch away from his skin my fingers pulled back from the shock of his energy but, I pushed through. I rubbed my hand flat up his spine and then down the left side of his back and repeated the same pattern on the right. My arm was warm with the relaxing energy flowing through me and into Remus. First his shoulders relaxed and then I focused on his spine. I could feel way too many of his vertebrate. After the muscles in his lower back released I made soothing circles and just sat with him. Finally, his ribcage expanded and he took the first deep breath. He blew it out slowly through his nose. Boys always hold tension in their core. Shoulders are easy to relax but, getting the core to is a whole other issue.

“Unexpected trick of yours.” He said, taking another deep breath.

“All of my tricks can be explained by asking yourself ‘how does this serve the purpose of a Veela.’”

“And how does this one serve that purpose.”

“If I can make you feel what I want, I can enchant you.” I didn’t want to stop touching his skin. I could feel many scars on his shoulders, a beauty mark near his neck. I could read that he thought this felt good. I wanted to feel it too. I thought about his hand on my bare back and shivered at the thought rather than cringed and curled into myself.

“What’s the moon doing to you darling?” I asked.

“Remember last week when you asked me if I’ve ever wanted to die?”

I blushed at the memory of sharing my darkest secret. “Yes.”

“that’s what the moon is doing to me.”

My heart cracked in my chest.

“And frankly I would welcome it right now. I’m burning up, my joints are all swelling to give me room to transform, my senses are all heightened and it’s making my brain hurt.”

I wanted to kiss all of his joints.

“you smell like heaven and vanilla bean icecream” he said rolling over to face me.

I pushed his hair out of his face. “Cookie made some.” I said laughing softly.

I kissed his lips once.  His hand found mine on the bed and I suddenly remembered I was wearing shorts and a tank top. Somehow, I didn’t feel scared, here in Remus’ room with the moon at my back.

“I think I can manage a few minutes of sleep.” He said.

“I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow.” I said awkwardly.

“Promise me you won’t go for a walk tomorrow!” He said, panicked. In his fear his hand involuntarily tightened on my own. It hurt. He yanked his hand back as if my skin burned him and he jumped out of bed. Fear and self loathing were written all over his body.

“Please go!” He begged.

“It’s ok it was an accident!” I whispered.

“Just go! And don’t go for a walk tomorrow!”

“I won’t.” I said in a small voice. “goodnight.” I climbed out his window and disappeared into the night.

**REMUS**

It’s been almost two weeks since Celine climbed in through my window and I ruined everything by crushing her hand in my stupid werewolf grip. Since that night I’ve been holed up in my room recovering from the full moon and wallowing in guilt. I’m half convinced I’m walking to Celine’s house right now to end things. I’m half convinced I’ll see her and courage will fail me. She doesn’t deserve to be with someone who will hurt her, even if it wasn’t on purpose. I’m too dangerous. I deserve to be alone.

I really didn’t want to end things with Celine when they’ve barely begun. I thought of her crying on my chest, her hand in mine, sharing all our secrets that no one else understands and my stomach twisted into even more knots. _Don’t!_ it begged. With a heavy heart and wrung stomach I passed the hydrangeas and stepped onto Celine’s property. As her house came into view I saw something that changed everything.

Sirius Black was on Celine’s porch.

“Mooonnnnyyyyy” he howled. He was straddling the railing, back against a pillar, wild grin on his face. I waved to him and he came bounding down the drive and lifted me into a hug. A bang from the screen door alerted us that Celine had heard the commotion and come outside. She leaned against the house and smiled at us.

“I like him in one piece Sirius.” She called.

“You just worry about you over there missy.” He called back. “This is my best mate and I’ll do what I will with him.” He threw and arm over my shoulder and turned me away from the porch “Remus are you _hittin_ that?” he whispered, nodding his head in Celine’s direction.

“What..Sirius..No..” My words stumbled out and sounded guilty. I thought of our kiss on the porch and her body against mine.

“Well you _should_ be she’s talked about you nonstop since I got here.”

My cheeks pinked and I knew there was no way I was breaking things off. My heart felt bigger than it was this morning. “when did you get here?” I asked.

“Late last night, parents are tossers.”

He led me back up towards the porch and practically pushed me into Celine, waggling his eyebrows suggestively the whole time. Celine cut him down with her gaze and he shrugged his shoulders innocently. However, he sat on the porch like a good boy after that.

“I missed you around here.” She said, smile big.

I smiled back inch for inch.

Sirius made smooching noises from the rail.

We ignored him and sat down.

“SO since our puppy has come home we thought it would be fun to have a little midsummer family reunion and invite the rest of the boys and Lily over for a few days-“

“-Oh Remus you’re so handsome-“ Sirius continued, re-enacting with his hands what I can only assume was supposed to be Celine and I making out.

“That sounds great.” I said ignoring him still.

“-Celine your skin is so soft-“

“I’m sending the letters out once Sirius gets ahold of himself.”

“-Remus take me right here-“

“We might be here a while.” I chuckled.

“-Celine where did you learn how to do that!-“

And then Celine pushed him off the railing.

“Oh and my mother is home so I hope you’re ready to meet her.” She said dusting off her hands and walking into the house.

I sat frozen in my chair. Ears and nose tensed for any sounds or smells. The hair on the back of my neck was on end.

Sirius crawled up the porch steps huffing and puffing. “She acts like a girl has never pushed me into a hedge before.” He said from the steps, resting his chin on his hand.  “I’M NOT SCARED OF YOU!” He called into the house.

I followed Sirius into the grand foyer of Celine’s home. A wide open space with a crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling. A double staircase swept up and curved to the left and right framing the room and making your jaw drop from it’s beauty.

“Mother! Remus is here!” She called up the stairs.

A creature in dazzling robes came down the stairs. Her energy was thick and heavy but, it was nothing compared to the intoxicating magic hanging off her like perfume. My brain got slow and I felt silly. Celine was looking at us with a sharp judgmental gaze. As this woman got closer my knees got weaker. Halfway down the stairs she broke into a smile revealing her fangs.

“Remus! It is so nice to meet you!” She said. Her voice was husky and smooth. I was terrified and rooted to the spot. Those fangs were pointy and sharp. Her deep blue eyes looked evil. Her long fingers could fit right around my scrawny boy neck. She was close now. She towered over me. She was swooping in for the kill!

She gently placed her hands on my shoulders and kissed me on each cheek.

She exited the foyer without a word and Sirius trailed after her like a lost puppy. I was still frozen in shock, cheeks burning where she touched them and from embarrassment.

“What just happened?” I asked.

“My mother just happened.” Celine answered.

“Sirius can’t see her like I can, can he?”

“Nope.” She answered, smiling wickedly at my discomfort.

“Could have warned me.”

“Where would the fun have been in that?” She said, winking.

“I don’t think I can move.”

She kissed the tip of my nose and I fell clean over. She stepped over me and followed her mother and Sirius her bell like laughter echoing throughout the house.

When I finally came back to my senses I nervously made my way to the kitchen as well. It was like going for a swim knowing the shark was there…and smelled blood.

Cookie was serving tea. Sirius was flirting with Edahna without shame. She just sat and listened to his nonsense without comment, graceful, beautiful, poisonous. Celine made eye contact with me and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. A playful smile on her lips.

“Remus join us.” Edahna invited me in. I sat in between her and Sirius and held my breath as she passed me a cup of tea. I wanted to say weird things like ‘I got 13 O.W.Ls’ and ‘I can lift triple my body weight.’

I haven’t even taken my O.W.Ls yet.

Thank Godric I was able to hold it all in. Celine was eyeing me like she was curious whether I would succumb or not. When I took a sip of my tea she arched an eyebrow at me. I think I passed. Sirius was gone and never coming back. All the game he possessed was currently being flung at Edahna. She just sat there in all her glory, small smile on her lips. Celine cut him off and brought the conversation around to our summer thus far. While we caught up with our zaniest friend I noticed that Edahna’s presence was demanding. No matter who was talking it was impossible to keep your focus off of her. Her control of our attention was complete but she had yet to say a word.

Celine looked very much like her mother. Same deep and dark blue eyes. Waist length blonde hair. Heart shaped faces and tiny noses. Their laugh was the same. There was _something_ different about them though. Something that just screamed one is not like the other. There was something about Edahna, period, that screamed something was off.

And then it hit me like a ton a bricks: Edahna is not a human being. And my brain was trying really hard to tell me that.

Her voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “Celine has grown so much and is so beautiful, I’m so proud of her” Edahna lovingly brushed Celine’s hair over her shoulder and cupped her cheek in her hand. When Celine was released she immediately got up and began clearing the table. Her jaw clenched.

“Celine’s not the only one who’s grown.” Sirius said stretching his arms above his head and flexing. “If you catch my drift.” He threw a smile Edahna’s way that I have seen 15 year old girls melt to the floor over. Edahna drained her tea cup and set it down. She leaned across the table closer and closer to Sirius fangs bared and wide. I wanted to grab Sirius out of the way. He had no idea the danger he was in! He can’t see her fangs.

“I’m not interested in little boys.” She purred, inches from his face. Sirius fell out of his chair. Edahna slid away from the table and was gone.

I crouched down beside him and so did Celine.

“What a woman.” He said. Eyes glazed and looking far off into the distance. Limbs like jello on the floor.

“Just leave him here.” Celine said. Stepping on him as she left the kitchen. I hurried to catch up.

I found her in the parlor stretched out on the chaise lounge, eyes closed.

“Your mum adores you.” I said. Her eyes snapped open and glared at me.

“She adores what she thinks I will become.” Just when I thought she would never stop glaring at me Sirius stumbled in.

“Movie night tonight love birds.”

**

Sirius went all out. While Celine and I walked to my house to borrow my mums projector, and to let them know I would be home late, Sirius was turning Celine’s backyard into a movie night masterpiece. Quilts were spread out on the grass. Squashy poufs were arranged for maximum viewing experience. Cookie was working on popcorn in three different flavors and bags of candy and butterbeer were ready to go. While I helped Sirius with the projector Celine whispered to the fairies to come out. As night fell, lights twinkled on in the bushes one by one, as the fairies joined us.

“I don’t want to see you being a prude tonight Moony.” Sirius whispered over the projector.

“What are you talking about Sirius.” I sighed.

“You gotta step it up man. Girls like it when you make the first move.”

“I’ve got it under control. Celine doesn’t like her boundaries crossed.”

“You sure about that?” he was waggling his eyebrows at me again. I punched him in the arm.

“Ow fuck Moony.”

I shrank inside but tried not to let Sirius see. I’m always hurting everyone.

The movie was Jaws. It was a masterpiece of muggle film. Hugely disproportionate shark. So much teeth and blood and a theme song that Sirius would likely never stop humming. Celine was nestled in the same pouf as me, back resting on my chest, legs against my own. It felt wonderful being this close. I kept my arms tight around her. Sirius gave me the thumbs up and puckered his lips. I ignored him.

When the credits rolled we all stretched and popped our joints.

“I’ll walk you out Remus.” Celine said “and Sirius will stay here!” She pushed him back into the pouf and stomped towards the house, nose in the air. Sirius remained in the pouf with a wicked grin on his face. I shrugged and he puckered his lips again as I ran to catch up with Celine.

The screen door snapped shut behind me. Maybe it was Sirius’ bad advice or maybe Edahna’s poison was still in my system or maybe it was the way she looked in the moonlight but, I didn’t stop to overthink the situation. I pulled her right into my arms and kissed her. She parted her lips and the tip of her tongue touched mine and pulled back. I felt a moan start in my belly and was shocked when I heard the softest “oh” in the back of her throat. Her eyes were smiling at me and we dove in for another kiss. Sloppy, hurried, off rhythm. I could feel her lips smiling against my own. I took a step forward so she was leaning against the house and slowed down, wanting to be good at this. Her hands moved down my body and her hips pressed up into my own. Her tongue in my mouth was the sexiest thing I’ve ever felt. I wanted to suck on it but I had no idea what I was doing. A crunch from the yard made us both start.

Sirius was sitting cross legged in the front yard, eating popcorn.

“Aw man we were just getting to the good part!” He cackled throwing a piece of popcorn our way. It bounced off my forehead and I fantasized about ripping him in half.

“Just ignore him.” She whispered turning me back around to face her. “He hates being ignored more than anything.” The devilish little smile on her lips made me want to kiss her senseless all over again, Sirius Black be damned.

“Come back tomorrow? All our friends should be here by then.”

“I’ll be here.”

“Will your parents let you stay?”

My heart sank. “I really don’t know.” I couldn’t see my parents allowing me to sleep at a girls house.

“Well, Edahna can always write to them. She has erm…a way with words.”

I didn’t really know what that meant but, the moon was turning her hair silver and I wanted to kiss each strand.

“Ok.” I said leaning in for one more kiss. “Goodnight.”

“Kick the dog on your way out. He’s very bad.”

I got him square in his right buttocks.   

**CELINE**

I watched Remus leave from my front porch. Sirius sidled up to the chair next to me, rubbing his butt the whole way.

“Merlin I love the moon.” He said, rocking slightly in his chair and gazing skyward.

I looked up too but had nothing to add. I felt weird, like I did something wrong, shared too much of myself but, if I did do something wrong, why did I also feel happy?

I could feel Sirius watching me.

“Watching you two prudes all day is making me realize I haven’t kissed anyone in 48 hours. Might be a record. Know anyone in the neighborhood? Preferably of the tarty type.”

“You mean a girl in the neighborhood who you haven’t already gotten to? No. However, I’m sure a few would be up for round two.”

“They always are.” He sighed.

“And I’m not a prude.”

His bark like laugh rang through the night. ”You are.”

“Am not, Just because I don’t sleep around doesn’t mean I’m a prude.”

“You are a prude because you’re _afraid._ ”

I am afraid.

“I’m not afraid Sirius I just have standards, something you know nothing about.” I teased.

“Celine it’s not your standards, you could have anyone in the entire school, anyone you wanted! And the only person you have been interested in so far is our dear Remus.”

“I’m not a slag.”

“You’re definitely not a slag.” He said with feeling. “and figuring out what gets you off and with who is never going to make you one.”

“Who says I don’t know what gets me off?” I countered with a wink.

He laughed and looked back up at the moon.

“I know this has something to do with being a Veela and your crazy mom and turning 16 next year and you don’t have to talk with me about that if you don’t want to but, Celine you can’t knock it before you try it.”

“I want to try it. I’ll try it when I’m ready.”

“You gonna try it with Remus?” he was wiggling his eyebrows again.

“I’m going to shave those things off while you’re sleeping.” I said flicking him in the forehead. “Have you ever had sex with someone you loved?”

To his credit, he actually thought about it.

“No.” He deadpanned. “But, because I wasn’t in love with the girls I’ve hooked up with does that mean I wasn’t interested in making them feel good or being loving and caring towards them in that wonderful moment we shared together?”

“No I guess it doesn’t mean that.” I said feeling more confused than ever.

“You’ve gotta spend some long quiet moments with yourself and figure out what’s going on with you.”

“What’s going on with me?”

“Well to start, we’re all not gonna drop dead if we catch a glimpse of your elbows.” He said pulling at the end of my sleeve. “It is summer you know.”

I pulled my sleeves over my hands and ignored him.

I would soon learn that Sirius Black had had enough of being ignored today.

“Ya know.” He said getting to his feet and throwing his shirt into the hydrangeas. “you have skin. SO WHAT.” He pulled his belt from the loops and snapped it before hanging it on the railing. “you should spend more time naked, it’s quite liberating, especially in the moonlight.” He dropped his jeans to his ankles and jumped down the steps, leaving his pants behind. I remained lounging in my chair laughing hard. This, was going to be interesting. “Sometimes you gotta just let your parts get the breeze.” He dropped his shorts and took off running around my house. Hair flowing, arms stretched to the sky, white ass glowing. After about the third lap he stood proudly in the center of my yard in a power stance. Hands on hips, head held high.

“Having fun?” I called.

“How come you can look at me when I’m naked and not even blush but, I’ve never even seen your ankles.”

“I don’t know Sirius.” At this moment, I truly didn’t.

“Like what you see?”

“You’re extremely good looking but, I like the Moony type.”

He turned around and showed me his full moon before running back up the steps, gathering his clothes along the way. He didn’t put them back on, just piled them on his lap.

“Bottom line is, you’re a rare bird Celine, don’t live in your cage and pluck all your feathers.”

“Thanks Sirius.”

“No problem darling.”

Just when I was starting to feel better, a change in energy clued me in to my mother’s presence. Sirius and I watched her approach. A tall, dark, and handsome man on her arm. She greeted us and did a double take at the door. Her eyes took in Sirius sitting bare assed on his chair, clothes piled in his lap, and me in my long sleeves and pants and determined correctly that there was absolutely nothing going on here. We sat frozen the whole time.

The snap of the screen door broke our trance and Sirius and I _howled_ with laughter.

…

Tea and quiet and the Daily Prophet. Sunshine streaming in through the window. The owl on her perch. I sighed and stretched. This was a perfect morning in every meaning of the word. I shook the Prophet to attention and turned the front page.

 Not 20 seconds later Sirius Black brought my morning crashing down around me.

He was blabbing about lord knows what as he poured himself some tea and buttered some toast. I turned the page and continued on with my life.

“James will be arriving any minute and he has to know I’m not sharing _my_ room with him. That is my room. I’ve lived in it _every summer_.”

“We’ll see won’t we.” I said, beginning a very interesting article about endangered creatures in Scotland.

“Where’s Moony sleeping tonight?”

“Sirius, If I put this newspaper down and your eyebrows are moving _at all_ I will beat you with this paper.”

He can’t help it really. Defiance is hardwired into him.

I rolled the prophet up and wacked him repeatedly about the nose and head.

“Ow! Watch it!” he whimpered.

“Stop. Being. An. Ass!” I said with each thwack.

The kitchen fire glowed green effectively stopping us both in our tracks.  

_Please let it be Lily!_ I thought

James Potter stepped out.

 My disappointment that it wasn’t Lily didn’t last long however, because you couldn’t look at that messy hair and round glasses without smiling.

“Hello Sirius!” James said formally shaking his hand.

“Hello James!” Sirius was copying his extremely formal act. I knew better than to ask.

“And Celine darling you are a vision as always.” I laughed and hugged James tight. It was too good to see him.

“Lovely morning!” James said walking through the kitchen and looking into the next room. “Am I the first to arrive?”

“Yes.” I said.

James dropped the formal act immediately and jumped on Sirius’ back giving him a noogie. When the two boys ended their tussle I swear I saw horns grow out of their heads.

“When’s Lily coming?” James asked.

Ahh, the formal act has been explained. “I don’t know any moment probably.”

“Wait how is she getting here? She can’t Floo from her house.”

“I think she’s using Severus’ fire.” I said cautiously.

At the mention of their arch nemesis the two boys soured.

“Right we better get started then Sirius, I have 5 days to make Lily my girlfriend before we head back to school. I’ll take the grey room Celine?”

“James NO that’s my room!” Sirius protested.

James took off running with his bags, Sirius shouting at him the whole way.

I sat back down with a sigh and was only briefly reunited with my paper when the fire glowed green again and Peter Pettigrew stepped out.

“Petey!” I said hugging him just a little tighter and a little harder than James. James gets enough attention, Peter needs it more.

“Hey Celine, am I the first?” The insecurity in his body language broke my heart like it always did.

“No Pete, James and Sirius are fist fighting over their bedrooms.”

“Remus?”

“Should be here by lunch.”

He smiled nervously and I returned the grin.

“Would you like to have a cuppa with me or brave the terror twins?”

“Some tea I think.” He said, relief flooding off him.

I set the kettle on and joined him at the table.

“Good summer Peter?”

“Eh, it’s been alright, not a lot of wizarding spots in town so I’ve been working at a sandwich shop. It’s hard though with the muggles.”

I didn’t really get why it was hard with muggles but, I took his word for it.

“What about you?” He continued.

“If it weren’t for Remus it would have been a lot worse.” I said, pouring the tea.

“Oh yea you and your mum don’t get on right?”

“Yea you could say that.”

Hurried footsteps in the foyer alerted us to the boys return.

“Pete!” they yelled in unison. Hands were shook, backs were slapped, and the happiness all over Peter’s face when his friends greeted him made me want to cry.

And to my sheer joy, while the boys were busy greeting each other the fire burped out my best friend in the whole wide world, Lily Evans.

I hugged her tight and refused to let go. She hugged me tighter if that was even possible.

“Are you guys gonna make out?” Sirius said.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” I countered marching out of the kitchen with Lily.

Lily threw her bags in the corner of my bedroom and confronted me immediately.

“Are we going to survive this week?” She groaned, collapsing onto my bed. I flopped down beside her and said “do you mean are we going to survive having way too much fun, laughing too much, and having way too many adventures? We can only hope.”

“I’m going to faint when I see you and Remus together.” She said nudging me playfully.

“Apparently we are an enormous let down according to Black.”

“Why does he think that?”

“Because we’re not making out all over everything I guess.” We both laughed at this.

“Well I don’t have any voyeuristic fantasies to satisfy so, I will faint when I see you and Remus together.”

“How’s Sev?”

Lily sighed deeply. “You know, he’s Sev. He’s into a lot of dark arts stuff lately and I call him out on it all the time. He’s now just not mentioning it when we hang out but, it’s the elephant in the room and it makes things tense. He’s devastated I’m here. I hate that he feels so…so… _possessive_ of me.”

“Severus Snape is the most complex person I have ever met.” I said. Lily nodded in agreement.

“Right when I got into his house he was sulking and giving me the evil eye. He said ‘I can’t believe you’re going to Celine’s and _they’re_ going to be there. Just stay here.’ And I threw the Floo powder in the fire and said “you don’t bloody own me Severus. I’ll tell Celine you said hello.”

I held my fist up and she bumped her knuckles against mine. There was a knock on the door frame and I looked up to see Remus leaning against the jamb and smiling at us. My heart felt like a snitch in my chest but my eyes held steady with his and when Lily jumped up to hug him, he didn’t look away from me. I thought about kissing him last night on the porch. I could read he was thinking about kissing too.

“Hey” I said as I approached him.

“Hey” he said quietly back. I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned against him. I knew I was looking too intensely at him but, I couldn’t look away, I needed to see him, to read him. His back was against the jamb and I leaned closer still. I saw nervousness in his eyes and a very deep and sleepy part of me just _loved_ how nervous I was making him and wanted me to keep it up. The disgust I felt for myself was instant and overwhelming. I pulled back, curled in, hoping Remus wouldn’t notice. It didn’t work.

James Potter being thrown bodily into the hall saved me from being asked what was wrong by Remus. Sirius was framed in the door way of “his” bedroom looking for all the world like a guard dog complete with guttural growls and flying spittle.

“This room is mine!”

Peter skidded nervously into the hall from the bedroom across from Sirius’, eyes darting from James to Sirius and back again.

“Alright if it means that much to you.” James grinned, glasses askew, hair everywhere.

“Come on James, the room at the end of the hall is biggest.” I said, glaring at Sirius.

I showed James and Remus to their rooms and Lily to hers. As I sat with Lily while she unpacked I remembered the newspaper I never got to finish with a sharp pang in my heart.


	4. Undone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 points if you find the Boy Meets World reference :D

**REMUS**

While I was showering the other marauders decided to congregate in my room. James was passing a flask around.

“Best look sharp tonight mates.” He said taking a swig and passing it to Peter.

“Will we really be able to get in?” Peter worried.

“Celine has her ways.” Sirius said, I could _hear_ his eyebrows suggesting unsaid things.

Lily’s room was right next to mine and we could hear The Sex Pistols and giggling through the wall.

“What do you think they’re doing?” Peter asked, wide eyed.

“Take another shot Pete.” Sirius said. “and don’t think too hard about it.”

I ran some hair goop through my hair and prayed I was doing it right.

“You ever seen your girl at a club Moony?”

“Course not.” I said pulling at a stray piece of hair.

“I won’t ruin the surprise then.”

I pushed Sirius off the bed and took the flask from James, taking a long pull.

“I’m guessing you both do this every summer?” I asked passing the flask to Sirius when he popped back up from the floor.

“Yes.” He said opening the window and lighting a cigarette. “and if I were you, I’d give her a good kissing before we go. Remind her why she likes you.”

I turned around, ignoring him, and fished my toothbrush out of my bag. I would soon learn however, that this time, Sirius actually knew what he was talking about.

Celine was standing in the foyer wearing a very, very tight dress. Fire engine red, long sleeved, and did I mention _tight_. Smoky eyes, glossy hair, and _legs_. She eyed me as she slipped on her converse.

I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder and Sirius pushed the flask against my chest.

“well aren’t you two a sight.” He said twirling Lily in a circle and heading out onto the porch. I took another long drag from the flask and pocketed it.

“Yes well no one ever got their friends into a club wearing a jumper.” Celine said straightening up.

She stood near the door, arms crossed, waiting for me to do something. When I didn’t she made to follow our friends out front.

“wait!” I said grabbing her hand.

That smile was everything.

“I’m sorry. I just…I wasn’t expecting…you look amazing.”

She rolled her eyes at me and I kissed her. When she turned away I pulled her back again. “Wait!” why was it so hard to wrap my arms around her waist while she was wearing this dress? I forced myself to do it and felt a clean shock of energy where my fingers brushed bare back. “Are you my girlfriend?” I asked.

“Are you asking me or the dress?” She teased shimmying her body in a way that made the bottom of my stomach drop. But, she wasn’t fooling me. I could smell a hint of fear under her perfume and I knew that despite her cool demeanor this wasn’t easy for her.

“That’s ridiculous.” I said softly. “Of course I’m asking you.”

“I’d like very much to be your girlfriend.” She said softly back.

I smiled too big and asked if she was ok.

“It’s usually just Sirius and I and he has a way of telling me to ‘get the fuck over myself and let’s go.’ “

“He has such a way with words.” I said snickering.

“I’ll be ok.” She said “I’m trying to work on relaxing a little…”

“This is a start.”

“Yea and besides” She said looking up into my eyes. “I’m starting to like you looking at me.” When we kissed her mouth pulled at me like the moon.

** *

When we got to the club Celine spoke to the bouncer. Sirius told us to hang back a minute and it made me uncomfortable to watch Celine.  She leaned forward over the partition and said something we couldn’t hear. She flipped her long hair over her shoulder and her sweet laughter reached my ears. It sounded sharp and fake. It hurt to think she was using herself in this way, for us. When the man’s posture changed from soldier at attention to man at ease Celine made the peace sign behind her back and Sirius ushered us into the club.

It was an awesome place. Dark, loud music, like all clubs but, the second floor was full of soft flickering  light which completely changed the ambiance. Bars lined the dance floor full of the soft light as well giving the downstairs a clean, fresh look. Celine popped up at my shoulder a minute later.

“Someone buy me a drink quick. I need to erase that from my memory.”

I handed her the flask still in my pocket and she kicked some back. I took it back from her and she jumped out onto the dance floor.

I now understand what Celine meant when she told me Veela talk with their bodies. It was like she was free from everything. Out there, with the beat pulsing through her, making her energy spark and fray, she didn’t hate herself, she wasn’t trapped inside a body that was too sexy for fifteen, this was something about being a Veela that felt nice. And with every roll of her hips and pop of her body what I thought she was saying was “I’m _good.”_

James handed me a beer and wolf whistled. “She looks prime tonight!” He yelled over the music.

“Yes she does.” I agreed. Then, did a double take when I realized James was not looking out at Celine but, behind us at Lily, who was doing a shot with Sirius and Peter at the bar.

I laughed to myself. _Of course_ James was looking at Lily.

“How do I not fuck it up?” He asked.

“Just go ask her to dance.”

“’Just’ is just so boring though.”

“Just do it.” I said clapping him on the shoulders and pushing him towards our friends. He skipped ahead of me to ask Lily to dance and she said _yes._

“Come on gents!” Sirius said pushing Peter and I out onto the dance floor.

The night was unreal. We all danced with Lily and Celine danced with _me._ Sirius fell in love four times before midnight and got a drink dumped on his head. James was somehow Not Fucking it Up and Peter got _drunk._ Like hilariously drunk. When the bartenders rang the bell for last call I was shocked. Where had the night gone?

Celine grabbed us one last round and the sudden quiet when the DJ cut the music rang louder in my ears than the base line had all night.

“To friends” Peter said holding up his drink.

“To love” Celine said holding up hers.

“To loyalty” Sirius chimed in.

“To red heads” James said, finally Fucking it Up.

“To this night” Lily added turning a cold shoulder to James.

“To the moon.” I said looking right at Celine.

** *

**CELINE**

My friends were outside in the pool. The sound of splashes, squeals, and the pang of the diving board floated in through my bedroom window.  However, I have not yet joined them. I put on several bathing suits trying to find one that made me feel covered, made me feel safe. I thought of Lily putting on her bathing suit and heading right outside and wanted to cry. I picked up a book and sat on my bed instead.

“Knock Knock” came Sirius’ voice through the door. He opened it before I could answer. I didn’t put my book down. “Coming to join us?”

“Don’t think I will.” I said nonchalantly. As if I was just not up for a swim rather than desperately trying to not hate myself.

“Let’s get something straight” He said after a long pause. “My best mate is out there trying to have a good time but his eyes dart to your window every 4 seconds.” He grabbed my book out of my hands and the only reason he is still breathing is because he dog eared the page before tossing it in the corner. “So, you are going to go down there and splash around in the pool, and be his partner for some chicken fights, and do some prude hugging in the water, and give him the best damn day of his miserable life because he _deserves_ to feel like a normal teenager and you aren’t going to rob him of that, not today.”

I stared him down across the room and he met my gaze without fear or hesitation. I submitted.

“I want to.” I said.

“Let’s go then.”

I followed him blindly down the stairs. I got as far as the sunroom before I stopped and turned right around.

“woaaa there.” He said catching me. “Here’s what we’ll do. You and I will come running out the backdoor and cannonball together in the pool. No one will even have time to look at you.”

“Ok, I think that’s ok.”

“lose your dress.”

I pulled the cover-up over my head my heart palpitating in my chest. When I emerged Sirius’ back was to me and I let the breath out I had been holding. He looked over his shoulder and met my eyes. There was nothing in his body language but happiness and smiles. He held his eyes steady and I didn’t have to suffer the mortification of feeling his eyes on my curves and seeing his thoughts on his face.

“Ready?”

I nodded. He pulled open the door and ran out, I was just a step behind him. My feet left the patio and I hugged my knees to my chest as I sailed through the air. I dunked in and let myself sink through the water to the bottom. The cool water was washing away my fears. The pressure at the bottom of the deep end made me feel clothed. I opened my eyes and saw five pairs of legs kicking about. Running out of air, I stretched to the surface slowly, peacefully, and when I broke through I felt good. My eyes found Remus and I swam to him.

His scars were really bad. They ran from left shoulder to right hip and were dark as if they had just healed and weren’t ten years old. The shortest one ran just under his throat and it pained me to think how close he came to death. The next started at his shoulder and was the deepest. At his shoulder there was a thick knot where a claw had gone in too deep. The next two ran across his abdomen and the last started below his belly button and disappeared into the waist band of his swim trunks.

I wanted to know where that one went.

The scars on his torso were nothing to me though. Because, when I looked up and saw his wet hair pushed out of his face and the splash of freckles on his nose and cheeks that were so vivid in the sun and his energy was pooling in the water calling me to him all the anxieties of the morning were gone. And when he looked at me and smiled, that smile was everything.

He kissed me and whispered. “When we got in the pool…we forgot about Lily.” He pointed to his chest under the water. I gasped.

“James told her I was mauled by a bear.” He was laughing and I laughed too. But my laughter was to cover up my anger at how stupid boys are. Lily knows that non magical wounds can be completely healed and leave no scar by magic. Remus’ scars on his chest are painfully, obviously, magical.  Thinking about what Sirius said and wanting to give Remus a good day, I ate my words and saved them for later.

We goofed off in the pool for hours. Lily taught us a muggle game called Marco Polo. We had races, and competitions for who could hold their breath longest and do the best dive. When it was my turn I felt eyes on me as I walked to the diving board. I looked to Remus and found that instead of feeling shame I _wanted_ him to look at me and like what he sees. We learned that Peter could hold his breath longest and Sirius was fastest at the doggy paddle. We played sharks at the boys request and mermaids at the girls request. Sirius took the game a little too seriously and began organizing war and yelling swear words in Mermish. Which ultimately led to chicken fights.

“Lily is my partner!” James yelled.

“I already asked Peter.” Lily retorted sticking out her tongue.

“Looks like Evans has a death wish for everyone James.” Sirius said. He had a fair point. If Lily was Peter’s partner and I was Remus’ that meant James and Sirius were partners. Sirius was bigger than all of us and James was strongest. I could read that Lily had just worked this out too but, was sticking to her original decision.   

“If we go down, we’ll go down together Pete.” She said solemnly and Peter saluted her. Sirius swam lazy circles around us humming the Jaws Theme.

I climbed up on Remus’ shoulders and tried not to think about his hands on my calves. I massaged my fingertips into his hair and sent courage his way. James was beating on his chest and Sirius was howling.

It was a massacre. Lily and Pete went down first and I held my own for only a minute longer.

After many rounds of chicken we were all half drowned with laughter and pool water when Cookie came out with a massive tray of sandwiches and a pitcher of iced tea. It was just then that I realized how hungry I was and shocked to realize how low the sun was getting. Cookie lit the fire pit for us before she went back inside.

Good friends and a good fire is a salve for a sick soul. And spending a summer night around the fire in shorts and a hoodie with my best friends was healing parts of me I thought would never fully mend. Remus’ energy burned hot beside me and I felt heavy with how much I wanted him right now. My thoughts kept drifting back to moments of contact in the pool. His trunks tickling my thighs, his bare chest against my back, his eyes on me as I walked to the diving board.

Lily went to bed and Peter went up soon after. Sirius looked pointedly at Remus and Remus looked pointedly back and Sirius took Unobservant James Potter to the house. All of them thought I didn’t notice this. Remus sighed heavily.

“Come on.” I said grabbing his hand. I led him round the side of the house to where we had watched Jaws the night Sirius came. Some of the Fairies were out and when I stopped with Remus behind the Jasmine trellis they flew over and settled into the vines. I took off my hoodie and threw it in the grass before pulling Remus into my arms. He held my waist tight and I kissed him hard. I felt his tongue on my teeth and I pulled his bottom lip between my own. A shock went through him and he pressed me back against the house, hips against my own. I kissed him with everything I had. The next time our tongues met he sucked on my tongue and I moaned. At that moan Remus’ energy flared and so did mine. In one quick movement my legs were around his waist. He had one arm under my bottom and one hand at my lower back. My shoulders pressed into the house. I looked up at the moon as he kissed my neck and smiled. Something very deep inside me was struggling. Something sly and hungry like a fox waking up and smelling her breakfast. He kissed and nibbled along my collarbone. I let out an “oh” and pulled his head up so I could kiss _his_ neck. I smiled into his skin when I heard the growl in his throat and the moan at his lips. He let my legs down from his waist and slid his hand up my back to meet the other. The energy from his fingertips traveled up my spine. His right hand slid further up my body and the pad of his thumb caressed the curve of my breast. The deep breath I had been about to take caught in my chest like I was caught up in Remus. He cupped me in his hand and the feel of his rough palm through the thin fabric of my bralette made my nipple harden against his palm. He felt it and squeezed gently making me gasp out his name. My knees no longer wanted to support me and apparently neither did his. We sank down to the grass, hands clasped, lips still demanding the feel of each other. The struggling energy I felt inside myself earlier was quiet and waiting, for what, I didn’t know. We became slower, less needy.

“You undo me Moony” I sighed.

That night I dreamt a Veela clawed her way out of my body and killed my friends.

**REMUS**

I said goodnight to Celine at her door and continued down the hall to my own room. I was looking forward to the comfortable bed and private silence to process the bloody wonderful thing that just happened to me. So, naturally, when I opened my bedroom door the Marauders were all there.

“Moony!” Sirius said clapping me on the back and guiding me to the armchair in the corner of the room. He pushed the chair with me in it closer to the bed so I was front and center. “Moo hoo hoo hoo ny!”

Peter yawned from the bed “How’d it go?”

Such a good and polite friend that Peter Pettigrew. “Great Pete thanks.”

“Forget that” James said “We want to hear all the dirty details.”

“I don’t kiss and tell.” I said firmly.

“Oh so there was kissing then.” Sirius said grinning wickedly from his spot on the floor near the wardrobe.

“Yes, lots.”

“So tell us mate!” James hissed.

“Did you cop a feel?” Sirius asked.

“Stop, I’m not telling you my private business with Celine, plus I don’t even know what just happened to me…”

“That’s what friends are for Moony, to help you figure things out.” Peter piped up. I take it back, he’s just as bad as the other two.

I sighed and thought about what I wanted to say.

“We were snogging, and she said ‘you undo me Moony’ what do you reckon that means.”

James and Peter shrugged their shoulders. Sirius had a grin on so wide and smug I could see his gums. “It means you turn her _on._ ” 

I refused to say any more about Celine and I successfully ushered the other boys out of my room. I finally had my comfortable bed, and my thoughts, all to myself.

_Did I really turn her on?_ I wondered. I thought about the sweet little noises she made and the way her hips pushed into mine and my gut said _yes_. Before this summer I had never kissed a girl, never held a girl like I held Celine tonight, and certainly never made a girl moan with pleasure before. My stomach squirmed at the memory and I was smiling like a fool in the dark. I thought of the weight of her breast in my hand and her hard nipple under soft, lacey fabric. My mouth was dry and I was hot and stiff. My mind went down a rabbit hole thinking about future scenarios where we didn’t stop and god was she this restless right now too? I would certainly never be able to smell Jasmine again without thinking of this moment.

That night I dreamt I attacked Celine during a full moon.

** *

The next morning when I woke Celine was sitting on my bed. She was wearing a Pink Floyd T shirt and shorts and the length of her legs made me understand what being undone must feel like.

“Hello darling.” I whispered sleepily, reaching out and stroking her arm. She smiled big.

“I’m afraid I don’t have very good news.”

“What’s up?”

“Well, my mother is home, we need to talk about Lily, and you have a hickey on your neck.” She said, throwing her hair over her shoulder.

“You have a hickey too.” I said eyeing the exposed skin. She clapped her hand to her neck in horror. I burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny!”

“I just can’t believe I have a hickey.”

Her face softened and she laughed too. I watched her move as she rummaged around in my bathroom. I really hoped she didn’t mind me looking.

“got it.” She said holding up a pot of lotion. She returned to her seat and unscrewed the cap. As she leaned forward to rub the magic potion into my neck her breasts swayed in her shirt and I looked away and swallowed hard.

“Why do you have hickey remedies in your guest bathroom?” I asked in a pitiful attempt to not think about her tits.

“My mother of course.” She answered edgily.

I dipped my fingers into the pot and rubbed the potion onto the spot on her neck. The tension ran thick between us and I could smell pheromones. Tension can only last so long before it snaps and it was me who couldn’t take it any longer. I pulled her down next to me and rolled on top of her. We kissed greedily and I licked her throat and I was fucking hard.  My hands slid slow and flat up her stomach, terrified she would tell me to stop but, more terrified of not feeling all of her. My fingertips kissed the skin under her breast and it was so, so soft. I wanted to touch her in a way she would like but, I truly had no idea what to do. I pulled back from her lips and focused on her face. Celine looked very different. Her pupils were pinned and her eyelids were heavy. Her lips were parted and blood red.

“Don’t stop” she said, licking her lips.

I swallowed my nerves and bunched her shirt up under her breasts. I kissed her stomach higher and higher. My grip loosened on her shirt and with one more kiss I would pull the fabric up over her chest and kiss her there, with lots of tongue, I had decided.

Several doors slammed open and shut one after the other and we heard Lily screech and curse. Something heavy hit the wall. Another door slammed. The footsteps of mischievous boys were heard running from the scene of the crime. The moment was gone, dead, and buried.


	5. Made From the Moon

**CELINE**

I dressed in my room with shaking legs. I felt awake in a way I have never been before. Back in Remus’ room I felt again like something was struggling and stretching inside me, wanting to be let out. Today it knew more about me than it did yesterday. Even now, this internal disturbance was yearning for Remus to come back and pet me.

In the kitchen, the boys were raucous. Their bags were packed and lined up in the hall and Cookie was delighting them with spectacular displays of magic. Remus had to go home today, and the boys would be spending the rest of the week across town. Lily would be staying with me. I grabbed a cup of tea and leaned against the sink. Remus scooped up his cup, dodged a flying salt shaker, and joined me at my post.

Our body language was incredible. Easy limbs and starry eyes. Inches between us and goofy grins that refused to fade. I was happy and free with bare shoulders and knees.

Until my mother walked in.

Her gaze fell on us and I knew in that instant that she knew everything. She could read it all over us. Her Cheshire cat smile was delighted and proud and I swear a motherly tear was about to fall from her eye.

Anything that made my mother that happy was not good.

I am not good.

I felt raunchy and dirty and completely exposed. My stomach twisted in shame. She reached out for me and I ducked under her arm and exited the kitchen. When I was safely at the stairs I ran the rest of the way to my room and buried myself in the thick, safe blankets, tears soaking my pillow.

How could I be so stupid! Fooling around with Remus was messing with my magic. The growing, blooming feeling I’ve been having was the Veela part of me wanting to play. Eleven months away from sixteen and I just had to fool around and wake her up! I hated this. I hated this life.

There was a soft knock on my door and Lily came in. Without a word she crawled under the covers and hugged me.  We lay there for a while without speaking. She rubbed my back until the tears stopped falling and dried on my face, and still she stayed. We heard the boys shuffling around in the foyer with their things.

“I’ll go say our goodbyes.” Lily said. I nodded. She returned a few minutes later with tea.

“Remus sends a kiss and an urgent request to come by soon.” She smiled because she thought it was sweet. Smiled because she didn’t know I would have to leave him. “what happened?”

I took a deep breath and tried to explain. I tried very hard to explain to Lily what it felt like to be not human.

She listened and took it all in and held my hand tight.

“Celine darling, it’s killing me that you hate so much what you are but, we can’t make you not be a Veela. Although you still have a choice. You can let it break you and ruin the only life you have to live or, you can get help and overcome it.”

When I didn’t answer she continued “I think what’s happened here this summer is you found someone who knows how you feel, because he lives it too, and the two of you have been holed up together keeping your wounds open.”

“So you figured it out then.” I asked.

“I did.”

“When?”

“I’ve been suspicious for awhile. Wasn’t really sure how to feel about it or what to think. Seeing him in the pool confirmed my suspicions.”

I shook my head. “The boys are idiots.”

Lily laughed “they seriously are ‘mauled by a bear’ honestly…Do you think he’ll be upset? That I know?”

“No, he trusts you.”

She smiled a proud smile.

“We haven’t been licking our wounds all summer. Eventually Sirius showed up and kicked me in the butt and dismantled all my negative thoughts and told me to grow the fuck up.”

Lily let out a burst of laughter that made me smile just a bit in return.

A knock sounded at my door and she instantly stopped. Nervous eyes turned to me.

“Come in.” I said, wishing I could tell her to get the hell away from me.

My mother entered the room and pulled the chair to my vanity out. I squared my shoulders and obediently sat. I could meet Lily’s eyes in the mirror and she still looked nervous. I gave her a small smile to reassure her. My mother picked up my comb and began running it through my hair.

“Remus is a good boy.” She said.

“He is.” I agreed.

“He is one of us, he understands.”

I didn’t answer. The teeth of the comb gently scratched my scalp.

“Why are you ashamed of your beautiful body? Why are you ashamed of pleasure?”

I tried to find the words that would make her understand.

“I hate when I can feel their eyes on me. I hate that I can read they’re nasty thoughts on their bodies. So I cover up so they can’t see.”

“And that makes you happy?”

“No.” I said, a tear falling down again.

She fell silent. I wiped my tears.

“Feeling pleasure is good, you think it’s bad.”

I had absolutely nothing to say to her about this.

“When Remus touches you, do you feel happy?”

“Yes.”

“When you kiss him are you happy?”

“Yes.”

“Remus is a good boy, he respects you. He wants to please you.”

She started on my braid. “Peter on the other hand is afraid of girls, he is not ready.”

“Oh yea?” I giggled. I saw her serene smile in the mirror.

“Sirius has been with many girls, and he knows what they like.” She continued. Lily was giggling now too.

“But, James” my mother began, tying my hair and turning to face Lily. “he only wants to know what one girl likes.”

I scooted out of my chair while I had the chance and my mother took Lily gently by the hand, guiding her into the seat I had just vacated. She pulled Lily’s hair over her shoulder and whispered into her ear “and lovely Lily is a virgin flower who is dying to know what it’s like.” Lily’s face in the mirror was relaxed and blissful. My mother straightened up and began combing her hair. I could read that the idea of teasing Lily was appealing to her.

“Maybe you give it a try and tell Celine it’s fun.” She winked at Lily in the mirror.

I grew angry thinking about how a minute ago, she was almost being a decent person. Almost being a decent mother. I glared at her through the mirror and she stared back. She didn’t speak until she finished Lily’s braid.

“I hope you feel better Celine darling. I hope you no longer feel shame.”

She kissed my forehead and left my room.    

Lily and I spent the rest of the day in my room. We listened to records and talked and laughed. It was extremely enjoyable having a break from the Potter and Black tornado. When we finally grew tired Lily crawled into bed with me rather than return to her room. I pointed at the lights and they instantly turned off. Another point towards the door and the lock clicked in place. The dark and the quiet settled around us.

“Your mother was right.” Lily yawned.

“about what?”

She turned on her side and the moon shown on her face.

“That I’m dying to have sex…I wanna know what it’s like.”

I squeezed her hand in response and yawned.

“Do you think you will do it with Remus?”

I thought about the weight of him on top of me and his tongue in my mouth and said “yes…maybe…probably.”

“We should go see him tomorrow, let him know you are ok.”

“Yea we should.”

“Goodnight”

“Night.”

I closed my eyes but didn’t sleep for some time. The moon kept me up with all her whispered promises.

^ ^ ^

We didn’t go to Remus’s the next day. We sent the most darling letter and let them know they were on their own from here on out.

Then Lily and I had the most relaxing few days of our summer.

On her last night we were up in my room with the windows wide open. A deliriously cool and pleasant summer breeze was caressing the curtains when suddenly, a pebble soared through the open window and bounced off my bed post. A voice that sounded suspiciously like James Potter cursed on my front lawn.

Lily and I exchanged grins and posted ourselves at the sill.

“Well , well what have we hear?” Lily teased, hanging a tanned arm out the window.

James and Remus were on the lawn grinning adorably up at us.

“But where are your shadows?” I asked.

“Out and about.” Remus answered.

“That means they’re with girls.” I clarified for Lily who nodded knowingly.

“So you thought you’d find some birds of your own?” Lily called.

“That’s about the sum of it.” James said “Lucky for us we know where the prettiest birds roost in this town.”

I could read Lily was feeling pretty smitten at the current moment.

“Let’s go downstairs” I whispered. She nodded and headed for the door. I pulled a jumper on more for my shame than the chill and followed her to the porch, letting the screen door snap behind me. Remus’ energy grabbed me and I floated down the steps.

“Hey darling” he said

“Hey” I breathed. His arms slid around my waist and he kissed me softly. I knew then that all I wanted from this night was to lie in the moonlight with Remus. As soon as the thought formed in my mind he pulled me into the shadow of the house.

“Hurts” he said, nodding towards the sky.

I smiled sadly in response and leaned against the siding, arms loose around his shoulders. We smiled and he told me entertaining stories from our last few days apart. Our legs were interwoven and my index finger twirled the hair at the nape of his neck.

James and Lily didn’t need our help once.

**REMUS**

Our friends were home. The full moon had come and gone and school would be starting soon. Celine’s letters have been short and sad. We were always sad. Just when a flicker of hope and happiness comes our way it’s gone before we can get a proper hold on it. Knowing someone who understands how it feels has been addicting.

Celine was on the porch when I strolled up the drive. She smiled from her seat and didn’t stop. I wondered what she saw when she looked at me. Something I surely did not. I held my hand out to her and she pulled me closer and kissed me deeper. When she released her grip I fell into the chair next to her. She was staring out over the lawn and I was staring at her. Long lines and unknown depths. After several moments she turned her intense gaze on me and asked me to come upstairs with her.

She led me through the sun room to a small staircase I had always assumed led to the top of the turret. The bay windows were full of sunshine and possibilities. The stair well was small and close and so was she. Her energy filled the space. _Our_ energy filled the space. Her hand found mine and the hair on my arms stood on end as the energy zipped over my skin. She opened the door and led me into a circular room. There were some boxes in the corner with the initials DB inked on the side, some old furniture, and little else. A large skylight showed a view of the sky and Celine had spread out some blankets and pillows.

“I come up here a lot.” She said laying back against the pillows and watching the sky.

“It’s a cool room.” I agreed, taking my place beside her. I took her hand in mine and looked up as well.

“I’ve been dealing with a lot this summer.” She said, turning her head to look at me.

“You have.”

“You’ve made it easier.”

“I’m glad.” I squeezed her hand.

“I’m tired of always covering up. It’s not fixing anything. It makes me feel crazy.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“I hate the way people look at my body, like it’s _theirs_. It’s NOT theirs.” A rush of energy tickled my palm.

“It’s not” I soothed.

She sat upright and softly said “you don’t look at me like that.”

I could write a book on all the ways she looks at me. However, the look she gave me as she took off her shirt was a new one.

“What are you doing?” I croaked.

“I want you to see me.” She whispered and then got to her feet. I got to my feet too, knees like Jello. I took my shirt off and tossed it next to hers. For once, I wasn’t worried about my scars. Her bra was grey cotton and I forgot to breathe as she pulled it up over her head and it joined the pile of our shirts. Our eyes were locked. She unbuttoned her jeans and I mirrored her movements. Her eyes left mine and looked me over. I copied her again, heart in my throat, wondering what to do next. Her whole body was right there in front of me like I had imagined so many times this summer so, naturally, I had no idea what to do.

No. This was _better_ than I had imagined.

Celine walked towards me and her fingertips kissed my hip bones. She held my eyes and slowly leaned in to kiss. When she was half an inch away energy buzzed between us and we pulled back, nervous smiles on our lips. Slowly we leaned towards each other again and this time our lips met. She pulled me against her. Thighs and hips and bellies and chests pressed tight. Tips of our toes touching. I caressed her back and ass. I could feel myself hardening against her stomach. I pulled back from her kiss and stroked her hair. Just like the morning in the spare room, her eyes were pinned and her lips were pillowy and deep red.  The Veela was right there, I could see her. The wolf was keening in my chest and I wondered if Celine could hear him.

She gently guided me down to the blankets. I sat and leaned back on my elbows, legs straight out. She kneeled beside me.

“Are you ready?” She whispered. Her hands on my chest, my neck, my hair. As if I could deny her anything when she looked like that. Naked and wanting. Wanting _me_ of all the god damn people in this world.

She wants me.

I kissed her.

She straddled me and my head swam from the feel of her. “Are you ok?” I breathed, sliding my hands up her thighs.

“Yea.” She said beginning to glide up and down on me.  “Just really tight…fuck...are you ok?”

“Fucking phenomenal.” I moaned. She was wet. So wet. I needed to kiss her, to feel more of her, I needed more. Somehow, I needed more. I sat up and pulled her body close to mine. She wrapped herself around me and together, we figured out this wonderfully new and kind of frightening way to use our bodies.

The second time, she crawled in through my window at midnight and into my bed. If the first time was like following a map someone else had written this time was like throwing the map out and taking our own path. I wanted to kiss her everywhere, feel every inch of her, ask her every 5 seconds “do you like that?” I undressed her this time. Looking at her, lying against my pillows, naked in the moonlight I thought she must be made from the moon. We kissed and licked and stroked. She got on top and touched herself until she came and I begged her to teach me how to make her cum. In between all the perfection we bumped heads and accidentally scratched and laughed at ourselves. Laughed at how young and stupid we are. Laughed at how hard the world is. We were nestled in each others arms when the moon whispered goodbye and the sky began to grey.

“Do you remember when we were first years and the guys were cornering me about where I was disappearing to and you came over and saved me by telling them I was with you all night?” I asked.

“Yes” She laughed.

“At that time I had no idea what we could have been doing that would have taken all night.”

“Do you have an idea now?” She teased running her index finger down my chest.

“Yea I’ve got a pretty good idea.”

She kissed me fully and got dressed. One long leg and then the other slipped out my window and I was left with her scent for company.


	6. Cold

**CELINE**

King’s Cross Station is a wonderful place. Busy and bustling and full of interesting people to watch. I was alone. My mother said goodbye to me last night and wasn’t home this morning. Cookie apparated me to an alley near the station and hugged and kissed me goodbye like a mother would. I promised to write. Sitting indian style on the bench, smoking a cigarette I watched the travelers come and go. A man twice my age eyed me as he walked by and I glared at him until he became uncomfortable. A little girl napped in her mother’s arms while her father pushed their luggage on a trolley. A little girl who would never have to say goodbye to an elf in an alley because her mother couldn’t be bothered. I lit another cigarette.

I always waited till the last possible minute to get on the train. I liked watching familiar faces walk by and the thrill of almost missing the train. I always wondered what would happen if I missed it? Would I cease to exist? Would I be able to disappear into the wild world? Would anyone come looking for me?

Lily would. And the boys. I know they would.

A black Bentley with Ministry flags pulled up and Mr. and Mrs. Black got out followed by their incredibly handsome sons. Sirius was radiantly happy. Regulus was excited but hiding it with a perfectly pureblood facial expression. Regulus saw me and nudged Sirius. The boys nodded and I nodded back. They couldn’t say hello to the dirty halfbreed with mummy and daddy around. I lit another cigarette.

The station clock read 2 minutes of the hour. I quickly took one last drag and ran full speed into the station, through the wall onto platform 9 ¾ and onto the train with 30 seconds to spare. The doors shut behind me and I breathed deep as I looked for the right compartment.

I waded through the monotonous blur of Hogwarts students, nervous first years, Ravenclaws, Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Slytherins, a trio of seventh year boys who eyed me like they wanted something, then finally Lily Evans in a compartment all to herself.

“Hey there” She said.

“Hello darling.” I smiled, throwing my bag into the overhead rack and collapsing into my seat.

Lily stared at me and I stared back. “bad morning?” She whispered.

“bad morning.” I whispered too.

She moved from her spot to the one next to me and squeezed my hand tight. I bit back tears.

“My mother didn’t take me to the station.” I sniffed loudly. “Cookie did.”

She squeezed my hand again.

“Where’s Sev?” I continued after the tears had passed.

Lily rolled her eyes. “With the other slime balls.”

“Hey Regulus is one of those slime balls you know.”

“I don’t take it back.” She said with a wink.

“I’ve got something fun to tell you.”

Her eyes snapped to mine “What!?”

“I did it with Remus.”

“You had sex with Remus.” She confirmed.

“I totally had sex with Remus.”

“More than once?”

“More than once.” I nodded.

“You bitch I knew this would happen. Now I’m the only one who doesn’t know what it’s like. What is it like?”

“You’re not the only one Lily and good, it’s really good.”

“Like how good, I need specifics here.”

“like up till dawn good.”

“Godric slagging Gryffindor”

“Oh you know Gryffindor was a total slag.” I giggled.

“total slag.” She agreed giggling with me.

The compartment door slid open and the curly blonde head of Marlene Mckinnon appeared along with two of her friends.

“Hey girls have a good summer?” She asked in greeting. Marlene was the year above us and the three of us were friendly.

“Yes and you?” Lily answered patting the seat next to her. Marlene took it and her friends filed in after her.

“She sure did.” One of her friends teased.

“Had yourself a bit of a summer fling did you Marlene?” I asked reading her expression.

“I did. So, I’m on holiday in London with my sisters and who do I run into? None other than Sirius Black. So he asks me out to dinner the next day and I say sure why not, next thing I know it’s 2 am and he’s checking us into this swank hotel in muggle London and don’t give me that look Celine.”

Her voice was stern but her eyes were glittering with laughter.

“What look?”

“That look, you think I was dumb for sleeping with Black.”

“How’s he been since your blissful week.”

“Completely absent.” She declared.

I laughed at her confidence and she laughed with me.

“I’m no fool I know what he’s like, even if you do think me one Celine.” She said getting to her feet and stretching. “I’ll leave you with this, all the rumors about how much of a god Sirius is in the bedroom, they are all true ladies.”

“See! Everyone!” Lily hissed after Marlene left.

I unwrapped a chocolate bar and handed her half of it. She accepted the peace offering. I asked about her family and she vented her sadness about her sister. Her turn to fight back tears.

“I’m your sister.” I whispered, squeezing her hand.

“You are.” She whispered back.

“I’m so tired.” I said feeling the weight in my chest.

“So sleep.” She said.

And just like that I did.  

**REMUS**

It was on a perfect fall day in October that I realized I wasn’t in love with Celine. The air was crisp and cool, just a little breezy and mostly sunny. Walking across the grounds with the guys I saw her in the distance. She was sitting on a blanket with Lily braiding daisy chains out of grass and weeds. She was stunning in an old flannel and jeans. The wind whipped and knotted her hair away from her face and she wasn’t smiling. I no longer knew how to fix that.

The girls caught sight of us and waved. Celine blew me a kiss.

“She’s nuts about you ain’t she?” Sirius said arching one of his eyebrows at me.

I grinned in response and my stomach twisted. Sirius is her best friend behind Lily, if he says she’s nuts about me it’s because she told him she is.

Over the next few weeks I tried all manners of ways to fix me. There’s nothing wrong with Celine so clearly I’m the one that’s wrong. I filled my schedule and when that didn’t work I emptied it. I avoided her, then never left her side for days, spent more time with my friends, spent more time alone, I went vegetarian.

After I was discharged from the hospital wing (Werewolves can’t be vegetarians Mr. Lupin) I came face to face with Celine and the reality of my situation. She was leaning against the wall outside the hospital wing, long hair pulled over one shoulder, gaze unwavering as I approached. Her fingers snaked around my wrist and her energy slid over my skin. I kissed her. Then kissed her again harder. They don’t tell you about this in the stories. You find the perfect girl who has all the qualities and is a great friend and you’re in love, The End. They don’t tell you what to do when you’re not in love the way your stupid teenage brain thinks you should be.

Maybe, this isn’t supposed to be my love story.

Which is unfortunate really, because girls who love Werewolves are in short supply.

“let’s, um, let’s go outside.” I stumbled, taking her hand and turning quickly away. After a minute her hand squeezed mine hard and I knew she knew what was coming. My throat felt very tight as we walked out onto the grounds.

The perfect October had turned into a frigid November. The grounds were grey and frozen and it smelled like snow. I took off my cloak and wrapped it around her. I cupped her shoulders and tried to think of what to say. She leaned into me and hugged me tight.

“Just wait.” She said into my chest. I held her and memories flooded my brain that made my throat feel tight again.

We stood there a long time.

She pulled back and looked up at me. A snowflake fell on her nose and didn’t melt.

“I don’t think we should date anymore.”

A tear leaked from the corner of her eye and she turned away from me.

“Go.” She said.

“Celine it’s snowing…”

“Go.”

So I did.

**CELINE**

A week later I still felt angry and sad and dark and twisty. My darling friends, who are full of only goodness and light, were getting tired of my attitude. They tried so hard to hide it, to cheer me up, but I can always tell. Despite their good intentions I didn’t want to be cheered up, not yet at least. I wanted to sit with someone else who was angry and sad and dark and twisty. Which is how I wound up sitting near the lake on Saturday with Regulus Black.

He lit a cigarette and passed it to me before lighting his own. The impossibly soft leather of his glove brushing my fingers in their cut off mittens that Cookie knitted for me. I thought about another pureblood wizard with expensive leather gloves who would lift me to his hip and dance with me in the parlour while my mother, his wife, was getting her things together. I loved the feel of those gloves on my tiny hand and baby cheek.  

I inhaled deeply and sighed the smoke out. Taking a deep satisfaction in all the ways I was endangering my health by smoking. Regulus had a creepy book obviously illegally checked out from the restricted section. It was innocuously titled “Cursed Artifacts” but it’s energy was all wrong. He opened to a bookmarked page and left me to my thoughts. I stared out over the still lake and pushed all thoughts of childhood abandonment, turning sixteen, Veela mothers, and Remus Lupin from my brain until it was blissfully blank. I stared at the lake.

“Come back.” Regulus requested. I slowly, like when the alarm goes off and you have to pull yourself out of a dream, came back. I sighed deeply and asked for another cigarette. He lit it for me and said

“where do you go?”

“I don’t go anywhere.”

“Maybe so, but you’re not here when you do that.”

I shrugged.

“Can’t be doing that Celine.”

‘What’s it to you?” I jabbed.

He smiled a razor sharp smile at me. “You’re not so bad, and I like keeping you in my back pocket for the rare times when I feel like rebelling against the Aristocracy. I like you here.”

I laughed harshly. “Glad I can help Reg.”

“Why are we out here today instead of inside by the fire?”

“My friends won’t let me wallow in my misery.”

“So very Gryffindor of them.”

“It is.” I smiled at the mere mention of my friends.

“Tell me your miseries, darling.”

Another sigh lifted and contracted my ribcage. “I miss Remus, so much. I need him back but I won’t get him back. It’s over. I know things will never be the same between us. I wake up dying to see him and then when I do see him I ache all day.”

I paused and finished my cigarette. “My mother has only written to me once. My house elf writes to me every other day.”

He lit two more and passed one to me. “and every morning I’m one day closer to sixteen.”

Regulus shifted his position so he was facing me instead of the lake and waited.

“I’m not turning sixteen.” I said firmly, stupidly.

“You will turn sixteen.” He said gently.

“Are you going to tell Sirius I said that?” I asked quietly, staring hard so I could read his body language for lies.

With a smile you could filet a fish on he said “I like having things in my back pocket, in case I need them for later.”

“You smoke too much.” I dug.

“YOU smoke too much.” He asserted.

I looked back out over the lake as my emotions bubbled close to the surface. I imagined throwing my issues and feelings into the lake like stones.

“Stay here.” Regulus whispered.

I hadn’t realized I was slipping away again until Regulus spoke. I dropped my head into my hands and breathed.

“Regulus what are you doing out here with _her._ ”

Some snotty Slytherins Reg hangs out with. Friends I guess? I snuck a look at Regulus and he was staring them down with the same haughty look Mrs. Black gives me every time she sees me. A look that makes you feel this small and that worthless. The friends walked off mumbling things.

“When you stare people down and don’t answer it confuses them.” He smiled and winked. I laughed in spite of myself.

“I’m frostbitten.” He said getting to his feet. “Next time you have problems make sure they’re in the spring ok?”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

He held out his arm and I took it. He walked me to the staircase and with a deep bow told me to go away.

“Thank you Reggie.”

He kissed my hand and said “don’t leave us for the moon.”

This parting sentiment reminded me that tonight was a full moon. The first since Remus and I broke up. I walked in a trance back to the common room, went straight up the stairs, and crawled under the covers in Lily’s bed. Where I promptly began casually sobbing into an unsuspecting Lily Evans’ shoulder. She patted me soothingly and said nothing. I was terrified I would never stop crying now that I had started.

Eventually, I did stop. When I did Lily got me a glass of water and braided my hair. I drank my water in silence, unsure if I would start crying again.

“There.” Lily said. “Not as good as you but, it’ll do.”

She hugged my shoulders and said “you should go home for Christmas, talk to your mum.”

Two tears leaked from my eyes “I don’t want to see her. She clearly doesn’t care about me.”

“Maybe she has something to say that you need to hear.”

I shook my head and she didn’t argue.

I told Lily I was ready to sleep but, I lied awake behind my curtains for hours trying to figure out what happened to me, or what I possibly could have done that would make it reasonable for my father to not love me, my mother to not love me, and now for Remus Lupin to not love me. The moon whispering from the window didn’t help any. Around 3 am I finally answered her call and sat on the sill wrapped in my blanket. I leaned against the chilly glass and stared up at that glorious orb and lost myself in her depth for a little while. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a large animal at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Looking closer I saw it was a big black dog, probably someone’s pet from Hogsmeade. Suddenly, the dog ran full out across the lawn and in the moonlight I saw the dog was after a rat. I laughed at the dog’s silliness. He was a showy beast. Hopping here and there and finally giving up on the rat to chase his own tail. This dog’s body language was speaking to me. Something about the animal was very, very familiar. I struggled to think. I felt like the answer was dangling in front of my face like a carrot. I watched him pee on the castle and then swagger back towards the forest.

Dogs don’t swagger.

But Sirius Black certainly does.


	7. The Whole Wild World

**REMUS**

Four poster beds are really very nice. Cozy and comforting. Perfect for collapsing into after the world’s longest day. The thick red hangings blocked the moonlight completely however, they were less effective at shutting out James and Sirius. Nothing could eclipse James and Sirius. Thoughts of four poster beds was all I could manage after this day, The Longest Day of My Life Thus Far. Transfiguration was a nightmare and my plants died in Herbology. Some second years set off stink bombs and since I was the only Prefect in sight I was forced to fill out an incident report like a dirty, dirty hypocrite. Celine’s energy tickled my spine all through History of Magic.

The dormitory being empty was the first good thing to happen all day. Blissful, pristine, silence. James was at Quidditch practice, Sirius was snogging a fourth year Hufflepuff, and Peter was in detention. It was still shocking to me after the last full moon that the world was still turning. That we all still had things like detention and practice and girls to pursue because the world recently got a whole lot wider and wilder for the marauders. Never in my life did I think I would have friends like these guys. _Family_ like these guys. Friends who wanted to help me so badly that they broke the law and became unregistered Animagus. They risked their lives for me. They risked prison for me. But the stars aligned and for once in my slagging life something went _right_.

 It was my shortest stay in the hospital wing to date. Forty eight hours in bed post full moon is my average. Thirty six hours was my record. This last full moon I was out of the hospital wing by 8 pm the next day. Fourteen short hours. When I returned to the dormitory the others were just waking. We looked from one person to the next, incredulous looks on our faces. You could practically hear all of our brains screaming the question _“what the fuck did we do!?”_

Then Sirius turned into a dog and bounded around the room.

He jumped across all our beds, ripped open James’ pillow, slobbered all over my ear, and pulled Peter off his bed by his pants and we were _laughing_. We were absolutely hysterical. Sirius turned back and joined us in our mirth. Wiping tears from his eyes Peter asked

“is this how it is for you Remus?”

“How what is?” I asked still chuckling.

“Erm…” Peter floundered, trying to grab the word he was looking for out of the air.

“Alert.” James supplied.

“Awake.” Peter whispered.

I froze. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. They knew. I looked from one boy to the next and their faces confirmed that I was right. Turning into animals must have woken up their instinct. Made them more alert, more awake. I immediately thought of Celine. How happy this would make her. That our friends understand, at least a little bit, what it’s like to be a Being and a Beast. Until, another thought slipped solidly into my skull. Celine was no longer the only person who could relate. I wasn’t alone any longer.

Maybe I never was.

“It is what it’s like.” I answered.  

We all started talking at once. The other three told me the whole adventurous tale complete with re-enactments of the more dangerous bits. How they’ve been trying to do this for _years_. We were up the whole night planning and plotting and talking about this marvelous thing they did. And for once I was the one with the answers. I was the expert and my proteges were fascinated.

That was a couple weeks ago now but nothing would ever be the same. Before the November full moon and after. The dormitory dorm opened and Sirius appeared with the satisfied smile of a happy man on his face.

“Pleasant evening?” I formally inquired.

“As pleasant as they come.” He was still displaying all his teeth. He rummaged around in his trunk and pulled his shirt over his head.

“Is Celine ok?” I asked quietly.

He stiffened over his trunk. Knuckles white against the bed frame. Slowly, he pulled on a new T shirt and then promptly slammed his trunk shut.

“No she’s not fucking Ok!” He growled. “Not like you give a shit.”

“I do give a shit. Which is why I’m asking.” I sighed inwardly. Knowing all too well the futility of arguing with Sirius.

He stomped into the bathroom, slamming the door after him. I lethargically listened to the sounds of him aggressively brushing his teeth.

“She fell in love with you and you stomped all over her!” He spit from his bed.

“That’s rich coming from you!” I shot back, getting to my feet and crossing the room.

“What’s that supposed to mean!”

“I may have been the one to end the relationship but, I respect her and I respect her feelings.” I was inches from his face. “I didn’t stomp all over her! I didn’t lead her on and then make out with her friend the next day!”

“This isn’t about me.” He hissed.

“Then don’t put me in the same category as you. Because I would never treat anyone the way you do.” Before the November full moon Sirius was the alpha, after the November full moon we now know different.

“Get away from me.” He flopped back in his bed and I returned to mine.

The door opened again and James and Peter came in. We both pretended to be asleep.

**CELINE**

With a crack, I materialized on my front porch. I tried to let go of Cookie’s hand but she held tight.

“This way Miss.” She said.

Cookie led me into the kitchen and sat me in a chair. I could read she was very happy to see me. Determined not to let her down I swallowed my sadness.

“Madam isn’t home a lot, Cookie has been lonely.” She said, serving the tea.

“I’ve missed you Cookie.”

“Will Remus Lupin be by?” She asked.

“No Cookie, Remus isn’t my boyfriend anymore.”

“Sorry Miss.”

“It’s ok Cookie.”

Hearing his name reminded me that Remus Lupin was breathing one short mile from me at this very moment. He was probably having tea with his wonderful parents. I hoped he was thinking of me too.

“Cookie do you think she’ll be home tonight?”

“I hope so miss.”

“Can we wait together?”

“Of course miss.”

So we waited at the kitchen table for my mother. We talked about school and Cookie told me stories about the Hogwarts elves. We played cards and ate snacks. By the time my mother came home I was feeling halfway decent. She entered the kitchen in all her breathtaking beauty. She wore the most magnificent winter robes. Thick black material with a black fox fur hood. She slipped black leather gloves off her beautiful hands and said

“Celine darling! Hello!”

I let all my anger fill me. I wanted there to be no doubt in her mind that I was angry at her. That at this very moment, I hated her. She met my stare as she took off her robe and she was confused by me. She came towards me for a hug and I dodged her. I walked stiffly to my bedroom, and slammed the door so hard the pictures rattled.

She came and went as she usually does over the next few days. Whenever she entered a room I was in, I left it. Always letting my anger show. One morning, very early, she came into my room and sat on my bed. She caressed my hair and whispered the prettiest words to me and I forgot why I was angry because she was _here._ But then, she kissed my forehead and left, and I remembered why.

On December 23 she was home all day. I glared at her from every corner. My gut was twisted with suspicion. After lunch I saw her in her bedroom laying out clothes and hot, angry tears rolled down my face. I went to the piano and played sad songs for the rest of the afternoon.

While I was eating dinner with Cookie she came in wearing that gorgeous coat and carrying a bag. She slipped her leather gloves over her fingers and said “I will be gone for a few days darling, I left your gifts under the tree.” She was smiling as if life was just grand and there could be nothing at all wrong with what she just said, and what she was planning on doing.

“You’re leaving?!” I yelled.

“Celine, what is wrong with you, you have been volatile every since you’ve come home.” She queried.

“What’s wrong with me?! Tomorrow is Christmas _mother_ and you’re leaving! What is wrong with YOU!”

I have officially snapped. Anger was poisoning my every vein. I felt like I was taller. The Veela was pushing me towards a fight. I could feel strange magic snapping in my fingers and gut but, nothing I could use. That should have been my first clue that I was biting off more than I could chew.

“YOU don’t care about me! You don’t love me! I bet you wish I had never been born!” I shouted, with every exclamation I got just a little bit closer to her.

“Don’t be silly darling, I love you and am happy you were born!” She read confused. Not angry or sad, just terribly confused by what I was shouting at her.

“I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!” I screamed in her face. “Did you and Darius ever stop and think, for one second, what it would be like for me! What it’s like for a part human?”

A shadow crossed her face but she said nothing.

“Well it’s HELL mother and YOU did this to me. YOU AND HIM! You did this to me because you didn’t stop and think what it would mean to be part human and part Veela.” At the word Veela I pushed her as hard as I could. And that is when _she_ snapped.

With a great shriek that made me jump scarlet wings burst from my mother’s back. Where her gorgeous face used to be there was now a beak capable of evisceration. Her dark blue eyes were cold and black. I scrambled away and she went after me. I ran to the stairs but she was faster. I skidded to a halt and the sight of her looming over me on the first step, wings high and wide, the predatory smile of an eagle about to get the rabbit, sent fear bubbling into my stomach. I screamed and ran towards the door, knocking over tables and furniture as I went but nothing slowed her down. She grabbed me by the hair and yanked me back. Flames licked the back of my neck and I cried out again. Instinct was telling me to fight back. Fight back and she’ll stop. But I was powerless against her. I didn’t have Veela magic to fight her with yet.

She threw me down and I slid across the polished floor. It was then I remembered my wand. I have a wand and my mother doesn’t. My neck was burning and I was still terrified. I had to get to my wand in order to use it. I thought I would have to scramble to my feet but, my glorious wizard magic decided to kick in and propel me forward at break neck speed. I made it to the kitchen in two great strides, grabbed my wand from the table and turned to face her just as she was preparing to swoop down on me again. She stopped dead and her eyes didn’t move from my wand. Slowly, her wings receded and her face became lovely once more. Her eyes caught mine and she said in a deadly whisper

“Do not ever, push me again.”

She picked up her bag, snapped her fingers, and was gone. 


	8. Me and the Moon

"it's me and the moon she says and, I've got no trouble with that." - Something Corporate

 

Christmas morning I woke to the smell of cinnamon buns but, I didn’t get up. I slid further under my warm covers and stared at my ceiling. Christmas was never a big to do in the Bell house. When I was younger Darius had made it special for me. After he left, Edahna and I would spend the morning together and she would leave in the evening. Last year I went to Lily’s for Christmas dinner. I thought longingly of Remus and his family and my heart quickened. I wondered if my mother being gone for the holidays was a new tradition she was starting, maybe I should leave too.

“Celine Bell breakfast is ready!” Cookie called.

With a monumental amount of effort I pulled myself out from under my blankets and went downstairs. A plate with a giant cinnamon bun fresh from the oven sat on the table with a steaming cup of homemade hot chocolate.

“Oh Cookie you’ve outdone yourself.” I said sniffing the steam.

“It’s nothing Miss.” She said spooning whipped cream on top of my drink. I could read she was very pleased.

After we ate Cookie led me to the living room where our Christmas tree was.

“I’m not opening my mother’s.” I said stubbornly. She pushed a package into my hand and the writing on the paper was her own. I smiled and pointed out a gift for her to take. After Cookie’s gift I had one from Lily. Cookie tried to slide a gift from my mother towards me and I pushed it right back to her.

“Burn them for all I care Cookie.” I said.

“I’ll just leave them here miss.” She said sadly.

Around noon there was a knock on the door. My hand touched the knob and I could feel his energy already. I closed my eyes and let it ripple over my skin before opening it.

“Hello” Remus said, his breath fogging in front of him.

“Hey.” I said back.

“Happy Christmas.”

“and to you.”

I wanted him so badly. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and feel him hug me tight. I wanted his lips on mine and to feel our energy swirl around us. His cheeks were pink with the cold and I wanted to warm it with mine. I missed Remus. I missed him so much.

“I came to see how things were going here.”

“Everything’s fine.”

“Then how come you haven’t answered anyone’s letters?”

“Not true, I answered Lily’s.”

“Anyone home?” He asked.

“Just me and the moon over here…and Cookie of course.”

“Would you like to have Christmas dinner with us?”

Butterflies erupted in my gut and I knew the excitement showed on my face.

“No I don’t think I would but, please tell your parents I said thank you for the invitation.”

He could tell I was lying.

“Celine, please come…don’t stay here alone.”

“No, Remus, I can’t come.” I said, anger settling into the cracks of my broken heart. “Do you know why?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Because of you. I can’t come because I am still in love with you and I’m not ready to be friends again _because I still love you_ and the fact that you are so clearly ready to be friends again feels like you came down here and shoved a knife in my gut.”

He felt badly and I relished it.

“Please tell your parents I said thank you and have a Happy Christmas.” I said firmly.

“I will, if you change your mind, the floo is open, no need to walk in the cold.”

He ran off before I could offer the use of my floo.

 ***

On Boxing Day I smoked cigarettes in bed and read _The Awakening._ Edahna was home but there was a man here too. When she knocked on my door I pointed my finger at the lock and it clicked so satisfyingly into place. Around dinner time I heard a car start and my brain blasted numb as I realized she was leaving again. I walked to my window in a daze and threw it open. With cold air carving my skin I leaned against the sill and stared into my mother’s eyes through the windshield of the Mercedes. When the luxury car was out of sight I walked straight down stairs, still half disassociated from my reality, and knocked back as much Ogden’s Old as I could in one go.

I hadn’t eaten anything all day and the shot went right to my head. I heard the fire roar behind me as I set the bottle on the counter. I turned around and Sirius Black’s head was grinning at me through the flames.

“Hello Darling.” He said. In response I sat down in front of the fire and took the Ogden’s with me. “Rough day?” He continued.

“You know…the usual, self loathing, abandonment, and violent physical fights.”

He said nothing but studied me as I took another pull from the bottle.

“So fuck her, don’t stay.”

“Where am I gonna go?” I laughed.

“Come here.”

The offer stunned me. Go to the _Black’s_?!

“You’re joking right.” I asked incredulously.

“No I’m _serious_.” He said completely unable to hide his joy at getting to use his favorite lame pun.

“And your mother will welcome a filthy half breed into her home with open arms?” I said sarcastically.

“Who said that.” He said with a wink.

I paused and thought about what he was asking. Going to the Black’s wouldn’t be easy but, would it be worse than staying here?

“Come on, you’re always saving me, let me rescue you for a change.”

“Can I bring Cookie?”

“Of course.”

“You’ll tell your mother and father? I’m not showing up on your doorstep unannounced.”

“I will.”

“I’m serious! Tell them!”

“No _I’m serious_.”

I glared at him. He waited for my answer.

“Can I bring the Ogden’s?”

His face split into a wicked grin. “I’d be offended if you didn’t.”

Sirius left my fire and I went to find Cookie. She was in her room off the back of the kitchen. It was a small room but she had a fire and a cozy bed. She was knitting in her small rocker.

“What brings you here miss? Do you need something?”

“Cookie…” I began slowly.

“Yes miss?”

“Do you know about pureblood families? Customs, manners, all that?”

“Yes miss, I came her with Darius Bell, and my mother and father served the Bell’s before me.”

“If I went to the Black’s…and brought you with me…could I keep you safe?”

She looked up at me, eyes wide with worry.

“Yes miss, but I don’t know if I could keep you safe.”

***

We decided to go. “Let madam worry for a change.” Cookie said sassily. In my bedroom Cookie packed my bag. When I objected Cookie said “They’ll expect me to do everything for you. Better start now.” Clothes were slipping off their hangers and folding themselves neatly in my bag. There was a _rap!_ On my door and when I opened it my Christmas presents from Edahna marched into my bedroom.

“You need to open them miss, she bought you clothes you’ll need.”

The gift Cookie tried to get me to open on Christmas morning hopped out of line and onto my lap. I opened the box and inside was the beautiful black winter cloak I had admired of my mothers. I jumped from the bed and pulled it on as I dashed to the mirror. It fit perfectly and was even more beautiful than I had imagined. The fabric was soft and warm and the hem was lined with velvet.

“She bought that for you miss. Saw you admiring hers and went right out to get it.”

“Didn’t care to see me open it though did she.” I said, nose in the air.

“No she didn’t but, that’s Veela miss.”

I frowned in the mirror but didn’t say anything. I didn’t know how to feel about that statement.

Cookie finished packing and laid out clothes for me to wear. “No muggle clothes this week.” She said shaking her head. I groaned loudly but did as I was told. When she deemed me appropriate she took my hand and with a crack we appeared in front of Grimmauld Place. Cookie hurried to the doorstep and rang the bell. An elf answered the door. I knew from Sirius that this elf’s name was Kreacher.

“Miss. Celine Bell here upon invitation from the young master Black’s.” Cookie said cheerfully. Kreacher frowned but ushered us in. The house was gorgeous but very, very gothic. All darks and bolds and candelabras. Next minute two pairs of feet came hurrying down the stairs. It sounded like they were coming from many floors up. When they finally came into view Regulus was in the lead until Sirius hopped on the banister and slid to the bottom. Regulus cursed and Sirius hugged me too hard.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Sirius said clapping me on the shoulder.

“I am too, I think…but if anything happens to Cookie I’ll never forgive you.”

“Nothing will happen to Cookie.” Regulus said rolling his eyes. He ascended the stairs and Sirius nodded for me to follow. The boys led me into the drawing room where Mr. and Mrs. Black were sitting with tea.

“Mother, Father, this is Celine Bell, a friend of Sirius’ from school.” Regulus said.

He didn’t say a friend of _mine_ and that omission cut into my heart.

“Hello, dear.” Mr. Black said stiffly.

Mrs. Black nodded at me.

“Thank you for having me.” I smiled but not too big. I knew they wouldn’t like to be buttered up.

“Yes, well, Regulus tells us that for some reason Sirius can actually mind his manners when you are around and it would be lovely to have some peace in this house so I thought why not, let the half breed come. Have some tea.”

I don’t know that I’ve ever been insulted and then invited to tea before but, I accepted the cup and sat next to Sirius. Regulus was in a chair near his parents. I could read that this whole encounter was hilarious to him.

“And look at that it’s working already.” Mrs. Black said sarcastically, eyeing her oldest son, who was unnaturally quiet and still. I sipped my tea and said nothing. “I suppose you are in Gryffindor too?” Mrs. Black continued.

“Yes ma’am.” I answered.

“Of course you are.” She said dejectedly.

I hid a smile behind my tea cup. Mrs. Black was so rude it was absurd.

“Will your house elf need a place to stay?” She asked, arching a brow at me. I could read this was a double sided question. She was asking me as if she knew I had a house elf but, what she was really asking was if I even had one.

“No ma’am, she will stay with me.”

“Alright then, when you’re finished Sirius will show you to your room.” And she didn’t say another word to me.

Sirius and I quickly drained our cups and left the room.

**REGULUS**

“Regulus dearest tell me this wasn’t a mistake.” My mother said after Sirius and Celine left the room.

“No mum I don’t think it is.” I said. “Celine is not useless. She is astute and understands her place. She would not embarrass us.”

“Her being here is embarrassing.” She grumbled.

“Come now Walburga” My father said. “If that thing was your mother you would be dying for some civilized company as well.”

I smiled inwardly. Celine wasn’t here for the civilized company.

**CELINE**

Sirius showed me to a room and to my surprise all my things were already unpacked. My stomach clenched.

“Where’s Cookie?!” I asked.

“I dunno, call her.” Sirius said flopping down on my bed

“ _Call_ her? How do I do that?”

“You mean you have had a house elf your whole life and you don’t know how to call her when you need her?”

“No because I have two hands.”

Sirius laughed and said “You just call her name, you silly thing.”

I said Cookie’s name into the air and tried to put some feeling behind it. To my surprise she popped into existence right before my eyes.

“Cookie! Is everything ok?” I asked nervously.

“Yes miss, I am in the kitchen catching up with Kreacher. I will help him with dinner soon.”

“You know Kreacher?”

“Yes miss, all the house elves from pureblood families know each other.”

She made to leave but I pulled her into a tight hug which she happily returned. “Thank you so much Cookie.” I whispered.

“You’re very welcome miss.” She dried her eye on her sleeve and disapparated.

“Don’t let my mother see you doing that.” Sirius said from my pillow.

I stuck my tongue out at him and sat down on the bed, my back against the foot board.

“Sorry about her.” Sirius said.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Went a little better than I thought actually.”

“You wanna tell me what happened?”

I took a deep breath and told him everything. I teared up while talking about the fight with my mother. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as if she were right behind me again. When I finished telling the part about Remus on Christmas Day the tears fell quicker. There was a knock on the door and Regulus came in. I dried my eyes and said “Only _friends_ are allowed in here.” I put as much venom into the word ‘friends’ as I could.

“Get out of my house then.” He shrugged.

Sirius started to tell him off but Regulus cut him down. “Friends?” He asked, tossing a silver cigarette case with the Black family crest on it at me. He plopped down on the bed invading my space and Sirius’.

“I guess.” I said elbowing his ribs, Sirius kicked him in the shin.

“Ouch! Ok I deserve it.” He regained his composure and continued “we’re being summoned for dinner but a little bird told me our lovely guest brought some Ogden’s with her. Thought we might want to pony up beforehand.”

The three of us downed a shot. When the fire cooled in my throat I said “do you ever wish you had parents who cared if you smoked and drank?”

“All the time.” Sirius said, smacking his lips.

“Me too.” I said quietly.

“Never.” Regulus smirked.

Over the next two days things were pretty quiet at the Black house. We played a lot of poker at night and the boys lost a lot of money. Sirius and I ran around London together and I was feeling so wild and free I almost forgot about the teenage werewolf who broke my heart. I almost forgot that I was 15 ½. I almost forgot my mother. I wondered how I was ever happy living in a small English town and envied Sirius for having this whole wonderful city on the other side of his doorstep.

On the third day of my stay I was writing letters in the kitchen when Kreacher entered and said I was wanted by Mrs. Black in the drawing room. Ready for anything, I followed him upstairs. Mrs. Black was a stately woman. Perfect posture, graceful lines, strong features. She gestured to the chair next to her and I took it. Kreacher poured me tea and shut the door behind me.

It was Lavender tea in my cup.

My heart swelled in my chest at the sweet gesture from a judgmental elf. 

Mrs. Black watched me sip my tea through guarded and mistrusting eyes.

“Are you sleeping with my son.” She barked.

I carefully set my tea cup back on it’s saucer and brought the whole set to my knee. I turned to her with fiery eyes and said “No. I am not sleeping with your son.”

“Why the condescension?” She asked with a bite of authority.

“Mothers love to suspect me of sleeping with their sons.” I stated.

“And why is that?” She sneered.

I caught her eyes with mine and didn’t look away until she did first.

She took another sip of tea and said “Regardless, Regulus was right about you, you understand things. You are reserved, refined, and have a positive effect on my insubordinate and ungrateful oldest child. Prior to your arrival, Sirius barely left his room and argued at every turn.”

I kept quiet and sipped my tea. 

“Throughout the year various pureblood families host very exclusive parties. The Malfoy family hosts _the_ New Year’s Ball.”

Mrs. Black said ‘the’ like there was no other New Years party on the planet besides the one the Malfoy’s threw.

“The Black’s and the Malfoy’s are anticipating a match between Lucius Malfoy and my niece Narcissa and the upcoming New Years Ball is a critical event.”

For the life of me I couldn’t understand why, Lucius was older than me and Narcissa was a year younger. Neither of them would be running off to the alter anytime soon. I waited still for Mrs. Black to get to the point.

“Sirius is insufferable at these events. He refuses to dance with any of the girls, is rude to everyone and never fails to make a scene but, Sirius listens to you, doesn’t he?”

“Forgive me Mrs. Black, but what is it you need from me?”

  “I want you to join us for the New Years Ball. You will keep Sirius in check, and make him dance with at least one girl at the party. Should you be asked, you will decline any invitations to dance by the other boys. You may dance with Sirius, strictly to keep him in line. You will not draw attention to yourself or misbehave in anyway.”

I stared out of the frosty window into the street below and contemplated if I was up to being used by this woman or not.

“If I agree to these terms I have some requests of my own.”

She quickly snorted with laughter but indicated I should proceed.

“I want you to defend me.” I said, meeting her eyes.

Mrs. Black was looking at me like I had surprised her, in a good way.

“If any of your friends say a bad word against me, I want you to defend me.”

“Anything else?” She asked, neither agreeing or disagreeing.

“Yes, If Regulus asks me, I want to dance with Regulus.”

She arched a brow at me but, said nothing.

“Regulus is my friend.”

“and?” she asked.

“And he told you he wasn’t. But I want you to know, Regulus is my friend.”

“Whatever” She said gesturing wildly, her single word doused in sarcasm.

“You agree?”

“I do.”

I placed my empty tea cup on the little table and got to my feet. I looked to her well-built face for permission to leave and she nodded. I made for the door but paused halfway across the room, having had a thought occur to me.

“Mrs. Black?” I said turning back around.

“Hmmm?” She asked, not looking up from a letter she had pulled from her pocket.

“What is your favorite thing about Sirius?”

I had expected her to pause, think too long, scrape for some kind of suitable answer for what was even remotely likable about her most querulous son.

But she didn’t.

“Sirius, is the best dancer out of all his peers. It is wonderful to watch. He is strong in character, vastly intelligent, and his magic is a testament to his purity of blood. However, out of his many attributes, the dancing, that is my favorite. If Sirius wasn’t so devoted to _anarchy_ he would be the most eligible bachelor of the Sacred Twenty Eight since… since-“

“Darius Bell?” I suggested.

Her face, which was twisted with love and frustration while waxing poetic about her son not a second before suddenly settled into cruel, sharp lines.

“And look what happened to him.” She taunted, demonstrating exactly where Regulus got his serial killer smile from.  


	9. Control

That night I was sitting on my bed staring off into space and absentmindedly brushing my hair when Sirius came in and flopped down in his usual fashion. The soft linen rustled with his movement and the pillow puffed in the way expensive goose down only can. He punched the pillow into submission and let out a contented sigh. I eyed him over my shoulder. He was wearing pajamas. Flannel bottoms and an old grey long sleeve Henley, the exact color of his eyes. The shirt was fitted and showed off his muscle tone. My heart raced in my chest and I pushed the Veela down. If _she_ likes Sirius’ physique well then she could just leave me out of it. I slid part of my hair over my shoulder and set to work on the other side.

“Your hair is unreal.” Sirius said, twisting a piece around his finger.

“It’s magical.” I said with pride.

He didn’t say anything else, just watched me brush my hair, deep in thought, twirling the same strand round and round his finger. When I finished I repositioned myself perpendicular to his body. He had a small smile on his face.

“What do you think about my mother inviting you to the New Year’s Eve party?” He asked.

I shrugged in response.

He reached for a piece of my hair again and looked towards the ceiling.

“It’s just…” He continued after a brief pause, “My mother doesn’t do anything without a reason… and I can’t see the reason from her perspective. She’s not just inviting you to be nice.”

“I know.” I said. “She thinks you’ll behave if I’m there.”

Sirius laughed. “Does she really!”

“You will behave because I won’t be ridiculed even more than I already have been.”

“I’ll behave for _you_.” He said, giving the piece of my hair in his hand two quick yanks and letting go.

“That’s all I ask.” I said tucking my hair safely behind my ear where it couldn’t be abused any longer.

“No matter what happens on Friday, I’ve got your back.”

“Thanks Sirius.”

He got up to go and I called him back at the door.

“Hey, why would there be a dog who looks just like you hanging out on the school grounds?”

My only regret is I don’t have a picture of the look on his face after I dropped that bomb.

***

At half passed 4 on New Year’s Eve I followed the Black’s out of Number 12 and to the car that was waiting for us. The door fit happily into the jamb behind me and the lock easily found it’s home. With a very sharp pain in my heart, I longed for the pull and snap of my own screen door.

“Today ‘toots.” Sirius called from the car and his mother scolded him.

I settled into my seat and Mr. Black started the car. Mrs. Black pulled the visor down and adjusted the mirror so she could see Sirius and I. I held her gaze in the reflection and could read all kinds of things there so I looked away. I watched the scenery roll by and Mrs. Black said

“Regulus do you think you’ll spend some time with Rebecca Fawley tonight?”

“I hope so.” He answered.

Mrs. Black turned in her seat to look at Regulus and was smiling so warmly at her younger son. “Rebecca is a lovely girl Regulus your father and I greatly approve.”

“Highly approve.” Mr. Black agreed from the driver’s seat.

Mrs. Black turned back around and said “and what about you, Sirius?”

“I’ve got my date right here.” Sirius said hooking his thumb in my direction.

“Surely there’s someone else you’d like to ask to dance tonight dear?” She continued.

“Are you suggesting I abandon my date, mother, not appropriate at all.” He taunted, adding in some disappointed ‘tuts’ for good measure.

“I’m not your date I’m your babysitter.” I said, slyly stepping on his toe to drive my point home.

“I’ll check it out when I get there but, I’m not making any promises.” He finished pettily.

“Thank you, son.” The victor conceded.  

I crossed my arms inside the cloak my mother got me and remained quiet for the remainder of the ride. When we arrived at our destination I followed behind the boys and admired the spectacular display of riches assaulting my senses at every turn. Candidly of course, so I didn’t appear more the outsider than I already was. My coat was taken and a glass of champagne was promptly placed in my hand.

**SIRIUS**

Celine looked so fucking fine if I didn’t make a pass at her by the end of the night it would be a bloody Christmas miracle. Her dress robes were midnight blue and just clingy enough. Little shimmers caught my eye every time she moved and I thought of the night sky. That hair of hers was pulled sleekly on top of her head exposing her neck and shoulders and I thought Remus was likely the biggest dolt on the planet. If I had a girl like Celine I would eat her up for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I turned to her and pretended I had none of these thoughts running through my brain because I didn’t feel like having my nose broken.

“Shit isn’t it?” I said gesturing around the room at the expensive shit hanging from the ceiling and on all the shitty tables, shining light on all the shitty people in this shit house.

She laughed loudly. “It is!”

Glancing around the room, I found Regulus chatting with Rebecca and Narcissa. My parents were talking with my aunt and uncle. My other lunatic relative Bellatrix was near the bar with her even crazier boyfriend Rodolphus. She was giving me that bloodthirsty look of hers and I was half a second away from flipping her the finger when I remembered Celine. I turned my back on her and missed Andromeda. My Uncle Alphard was talking to the band and gesturing wildly with an unlit cigar.

Celine interrupted my bitter musings with a plot twist.

“Sirius, don’t look and don’t point, but that man there, near the door, tall, brown hair, do you see him?”

“Yes.”

“That’s my father.”

**CELINE**

I knew it was him the minute I saw him. He looked almost the same. Tall, strong for a man his age, with a big kind smile. He hadn’t seen me yet and I wanted to delay that moment as long as possible. I felt weirdly calm. Excessively detached from myself.

“Do they serve anything stronger than this?” I asked, handing him my empty champagne glass. He hurried away and came back with a martini. I took a sip as he led me to our table. We were soon joined by the rest of our party and the dinner hour began. I was silent throughout the meal. Straight back, poised features but inside I was unstable. Thoughts of Darius Bell raged through my very soul. Fantasies of stabbing him repeatedly came on the tail end of being here with him and my mother, like one big happy family. Would he greet me? Should I be polite or cold? Should I greet him?

Wait. Did Mrs. Black _know_ he would be here?!

She had to have known, that bloody snake.

I downed my drink and the dinner plates were finally cleared. The band took up their instruments and began to play. I watched listlessly as the first dance partners took the stage. Regulus was leading Rebecca out to the floor, Mr. and Mrs. Black were pushing in their chairs and heading that way too.

“Come on, up ya get.” Sirius said pulling at my elbow. I followed obediently, swimming in a sea of colors and blur of faces my brain no longer cared to separate for me. I stopped at the edge of the dance floor and Sirius and I watched the couples dance for a minute. I understood now why Darius insisted on lessons as a child. Sirius turned to me and stretched long, his fingertips falling at the perfect height for me to take them.

I laid my fingers in his and he pulled me into step with him so quickly I almost stumbled.

Almost.

And before that first three step turn was completed I was already smiling, bigger and brighter than I had in weeks. Dancing was something the human and the veela liked and I felt singular instead of dual. I felt whole.

And Mrs. Black was not mistaken, Sirius was excellent. His posture was straight and his shoulders were squared. He held my hand gently but the arm around my waist held me firmly and securely through all steps and turns.

“You’re not so bad at this.” Sirius teased.

“Eh, neither are you, this is an easy song though, isn’t it?”

As payback he led me through a series of complicated steps and quarter turns that I mirrored perfectly.

“Oh you’ve got moves?” he asked, laughing with me.

“More than you!” I said to the ceiling, as he chose that moment to dip me low.

We danced for several songs before breaking. Sweating and laughing we approached the bar. Darius was there so I chose that moment to head to the restroom instead. A girl I knew from school, Cynthia, was inside.

“Hi!” I said brightly taking my place next to her at the sink and smoothing my hair. She finished washing her hands and dried them on a towel before saying

“I can’t talk to you here Celine.” When I didn’t answer she continued “it’s bad enough for me since I’m in Ravenclaw I can’t be seen hanging out with you too. I’m not like Sirius, I don’t want to be a rebel, I care about some of the people here. They’re my family.”

“I didn’t ask you to hang out with me tonight.” I responded shortly and entered a stall. A moment later I heard her leave.  

I beelined for the coat check. I have never needed the moon and a cigarette as badly as I did right at this moment. One hundred feet from my destination I felt the tell tale ripple of energy up my spine before I saw the culprit. I froze in place, senses tensed, the ripple turned into a roll and my mother appeared at my side.

Godric Gryffindor and Merlin’s beard too.

Fucking fuck shit.

“Celine darling!” She cried hugging me to her. Over her shoulder I saw Sirius frozen in shock with two drinks in his hand. “What are you doing here?” She grabbed my hands and swung them childlike. I yanked them back.

“I came here with the Black’s.”

“That’s wonderful darling come dance with me.”

She sashayed around me and my veela answered her call. She was begging me to follow, to play, to hunt.

“No.” I stated simply, fighting the urge to vomit. I turned on my heel and wandered blindly in the opposite direction. I saw Mrs. Black talking to her friends and decided she was the lesser of two evils at the current moment. She saw me standing there and I waited to be invited into the conversation.

“This is the girl isn’t it Walburga?” One of her friends said.

Mrs. Black nodded at me and I came closer to the women. “Ladies this is Celine Bell she is here as a favor to me.”

“You dance wonderfully Celine, where were you trained?”

Double sided, two-faced questions everywhere.

“Mrs. Lemon’s.” I answered politely.

“So were my girls!” The other woman announced, they’re about your age, I’m sure I would have remembered you there…”

“I had private lessons”

“Lucky girl, Mrs. Lemon never gives private lessons.”

“My father insisted.” I said with my most charming smile.

“Darius Bell is her father you know.” Mrs. Black added.

“We did know.” The first woman said “and isn’t that your mother over there? Who is she escorting tonight?”

Mrs. Black turned in the direction her friend was looking, met my eyes, and turned back around. I could read she was angry, frustrated, tired.

Very, very tired.

“Fortunately, this particular apple fell very, very far from the tree. Wouldn’t you say ladies? Celine, run along, dear.”

I didn’t need to be told twice. I made for the door without my coat and breathed in deeply the frigid night air. The goose bumps rose immediately on my arms but the moon promised me relief so I kept walking. Alphard was several steps below me leaning against the stone rail smoking his cigar alone.

I had only ever met Alphard once before but, knew much about him. Sirius and him were very close.

“You’ll catch your death sweetness and give all these wretched people what they want.” He said taking off his coat and swinging it around my shoulders.

“Sirius says you love the drama Alphard.” I answered with a cheeky grin.

He tapped a finger to his nose and said “left breast pocket.”

I reached into the suggested pocket and my fingers found a cigarette case. I placed one between my lips and Alphard lit the tip with his wand.

“ah and here comes your shadow.” He said waving to a figure at the top of the stairs. Sirius jogged down the steps and made our party three.

“I can’t believe your shit luck.” He said handing me my drink which I downed immediately. Alphard tapped it with his wand and it refilled.  “Your father _and_ your mother here, that _sucks._ ”

“Your father’s here?” Alphard said, a twinkle in his eye. “Is he still single?”

“Like I’d know.” I answered bitterly. He turned sad eyes to me and I read pity all over him. I gave Sirius one of Alphard’s cigarettes.

“Aren’t you supposed to discourage this type of behavior Uncle Alph?” Sirius asked taking a drag and blowing it in his uncle’s direction.

“Arrested development.” Was Alphard’s only answer. “ahhh young Regulus approaches.”

Sure enough Regulus came stumbling in our direction as promised.

“Celine you have the shittiest luck.” He confirmed for us.

“So we’ve heard.” I sighed, offering him a cigarette as well.

He lit it and eyed me then Sirius, who was leaning casually at my side. “Are you two going to kiss at midnight.” Regulus asked.

“I’ve got enough problems in my life Regulus without adding your brother to that list.” I spit, flicking the butt of my cigarette at him.

“Watch it!” he laughed. “All I’m saying is you two make one pretty ass picture.” Regulus held his thumb and forefinger in a square, framing Sirius and I in the center. 

“Course we do.” Sirius said “We’re extremely good looking people.”

“Some people have all the luck.” Regulus said. “Except Celine, who has none of the luck.”

“That’s enough _boys_.” Alphard said. “Celine” he began, taking my hand in both of his “you wonderful, intelligent, special, kick-ass girl, you are a product of those people but, you are _not those people_ and they should be committed to an asylum for abandoning someone like you.”

I was speechless. All I could do was look at him doe-eyed and listen to my heart beat _thank you thank you thank you_ in my chest. He pinched my cheek and left us, whistling as he walked away.

“Oh good, he left his cigarettes.” Regulus observed and proceeded to attempt to light another but, the alcohol was catching up to him.

“Can Alphard adopt me.” I breathed.

“Be careful what you wish for, his house is a mess and he is always bringing men home. Bigger slut than your mum, he is.” Sirius answered.

“Impossible.” I chuckled. Sirius took his empty glass and threw it as far as he could across the lawn.

“Let’s go dance.”

“No, you need to dance with one of the appropriate pureblood girls.” I demanded.

“Yea and I want a turn.” Regulus added.

**SIRIUS**

Upon re-entering the house Regulus whisked Celine away and I was left to moodily contemplate potential dance partners.

No.

No.

Evil.

No.

Old news.

Old news.

No.

Ah ha! Sitting cross-legged at a table was a girl we all know, a girl no one ever called pretty, a girl whose figure is never complimented, and tonight she looked about as miserable as I usually did at these parties. I jogged over to her table and skidded into the seat across from her.

“Hey!” I said.

“Hey.” She answered skeptically.

“Sirius Black” I said extending my hand.

“Lizzie” She said extending hers “but we know each other.”

“We do” I said “but I wanted to be polite.”

She smiled and said nothing. She had the loveliest dimples.

“Would you like to dance with me?”

“Where’d the girl you’ve been dancing with all night go? Is she your girlfriend?”

“My shit brother stole her from me, she’s not my girlfriend.”

“Could have fooled me, the way you two get on.” She teased, kindly.

“We’re best friends.” I answered. “So how ‘bout it?” I reached out my hand and she took it.

“Why not.” She shrugged.

We danced in silence for a spell. She was an average dancer but, followed my lead well.

“My parents are going to kill me.” She said with a laugh, showing off her dimples again.

“Why?” I asked catching her contagious smile.

“They’re always on me about how I never dance with anyone at these things. I can hear them now ‘Sirius Black is _not_ who we meant Elizabeth!’”

“What’s wrong with me!” I feigned hurt.

“Everyone knows you’re the rebel, Sirius.”

I laughed fully. “You must be a bit of a rebel too then.”

She shrugged. “I wanted to dance.”

The song ended, and I asked her to dance again.

**CELINE**

As the song ended, Regulus bowed low and released me. The clock read 10 of the hour and he ran off to find Rebecca. I saw Sirius was still dancing with a girl whose name I think was Lizzie so, I looked for a table to sit at. I saw Alphard and when I approached he nodded to the chair next to him which I gladly took and tried to disappear into the background. Some boys asked me to dance and I declined them all, Mrs. Black kept her word and I sure as hell was going to keep mine.

The minutes ticked closer to midnight and a countdown began. My heart gave an enormous, lonely sigh. As the crowd shouted “Happy New Year!” and kissed their loved ones I was given the surprise of my life. My mother, approaching my seat from behind, wrapped her arms around my shoulders and kissed my cheek.

“Happy New Year, darling girl.” She cooed.

I placed my hands on her arms, holding her there, and felt the coolness of her cheek against my own. She chose to be with me at the first second of the new year instead of the man she was with. She chose to kiss me instead of him, and something Cookie said just a week ago floated across my brain

_“that’s Veela, miss.”_

“I’m coming home tomorrow, mother.”

“I’m glad.” She kissed me again. Darius was nearby, and I could feel her longing for him. “I still wish he would come home.” She whispered in my ear. As I let the magnitude of the secret she just shared settle in, she squeezed me tight and sauntered off. The man she ditched for me welcoming her back into his arms.

The party slowed down for me after that. Sirius danced with Lizzie the rest of the night. A couple of the girls came over and chatted with me, Rebecca and Narcissa among them, which I appreciated more than they knew. As 1 A.M. drew closer I decided to grab my coat and wait out front for the Black’s. I lit a cigarette and reveled in the peace and quiet.

The band stopped playing and the first guests began spilling out onto the steps, saying their goodbyes and heading down the path to their cars or apparition points. I watched, keeping my eyes peeled for Sirius, when the crowd to my left parted, and my father caught my eye. He finished his goodbyes and looked back up at me. I held his gaze with a cool, neutral expression. After a minutes more deliberation he began to close the gap between us.

“Happy New Year.” He said.

“and to you.” I replied without smiling, letting silence fall between us.

“never thought we’d meet here.” He continued, breaking the silence.

“sorry to disappoint.”

“I’m not-“

I looked away from him and he didn’t finish his sentence.

“You left me with her.” I said, with the slightest hiss to my voice. “I understand why you left her but, I will never understand why you left me. Why you left me to be raised by an animal.”

“Don’t talk about your mother like that.” He said, as if he had any right to tell me what to do. “She’s not an animal.  You needed to be with your mother.”

“She’s not a mother.” Definite hiss to my voice now. “Maybe she would be a good mother to a Veela but, she is not a good mother to a human. She doesn’t know how to be a mother to a human and I have been alone since you left.”

He awkwardly shoved his hands in his pockets and tumbled over his words. A large, unfamiliar hand settled onto my shoulder. I looked up and saw Mr. Black there.

“Darius.” He nodded towards my father.

“Orion.”

“Celine walk with Mrs. Black back to the car, I’ll round up the boys and meet you both there.”

I quietly obeyed and Mrs. Black and I walked to the car in silence. I settled into the backseat and pressed my forehead against the cold glass. The minutes ticked by. Drunken guests stumbled by, laughing and calling to one another. The house glowed with a light that only shines during the holidays. Warm and inviting through the cold air. The familiar forms of Mr. Black and his sons came into view and the car filled up. Mr. and Mrs. Black shared a candid glance that only I caught. Mr. Black did not start the car.

So, so tired. Why were they so tired?

“You were put in a difficult position tonight, Celine.” Mrs. Black said, breaking the silence. “Not many people could persevere through this night with the grace and composure you had.”

“Thank you.” I said quietly.

“Purebloods believe in honor, duty, sacrifice, and a commitment to the wizarding race. Darius Bell shows _none_ of these traits. While your mother is certainly _something else_ entirely, your father has no excuse. Despite your inept parents, you have shown all of these traits tonight.”

I said thank you again and Mr. Black started the car. Mrs. Black’s words buzzed in my head as we rolled down the drive. Memories and feelings flashed through my brain like changing channels on a muggle television. I struggled to sort through my inner turmoil, tried to think of a plan for the remainder of the school year. Where was I going? What would home be like? What do I want?

What is happening to me.

And the answer to all these questions floated down from the heavens and settled into my head and my heart.

Control.

I wanted to be in control of myself. I wanted to be in control of my life.

And so I would be.

I may be turning sixteen, the Veela may be getting stronger, but I would control her. I _could_ control her. Mrs. Black was right, I’m not like them, and I don’t have to be like them. I would be so in control of myself that if someone like Remus Lupin didn’t want me I wouldn’t even feel it. If my mother didn’t want to be around me I would be unaffected. Who even is Darius Bell? I would become stone. Sleek and shiny metal. Rough cast iron. I will get through this. I will survive it.

I will.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the story ends!  
> Coming soon: the sequel  
> Stay tuned darlings
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read the story to the end and left Kudos!


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